Being Im"Pact"ful

Be honest…did any of you know the funda of making a marriage pact with your buddy before you saw “My best friends wedding”? About securing your future in case you continue to be the loser you currently are while making this pact? About getting someone suckered to spending his/her miserable (actually to be miserable) life with you?? No, right? Yet now most of the people I know have such back ups....as do I

Now all is well if you have just that one back up in life. But the problem begins when you obviously lose complete confidence in yourself and make multiple pacts that in case the person who made a pact with you in his moment of kindness (actually more appropriately, madness) is taken, you should have others to fall back on. Of course, if you have zilch confidence in yourself, then you try and make pacts with every person of the opposite sex and are subjected to some nasty outbursts of laughter but let's not even get into that!!!!

Now zoom in angle 2. Angle 2 being that you obviously made these pacts when you were some 20/22….and laughingly said “when I’m 28 and still single, we’ll get married”. It seemed so far away. Now you’re 26....28 is just 2 years away....you have no potential spouse in sight and you break into a sweat thinking of all the pacts you need to now fulfill!! Ok so to be honest, the people who've made a pact with you are actually the ones who're nervous and subject you to things like this
“Zee, do you know how much pressure I am under now? I just have to marry the next girl my parents make me meet otherwise I’ll end up marrying you”
Some others feign amnesia. “No way did we make a pact!”
Or alter it to their convenience. “Zee it was your turning 30….not mine!!”

I did receive an sms a few days back saying “so do we get into a pact” and I’m thinking ok so 28 booked for A, 29 booked for B, 30 booked for C…..and it went all the way up till 42 (boy oh boy….the number of men who must be getting miniature heart attacks at the thought of it) but seems like he wasn’t quite interested in marrying me at my blossoming age of 42!!!

And nothing tops the story of this friend of mine who pacted (if that’s a word) with this girl to marry her if she’s single at 30 and with another girl when she’s 28 and the 28 year old is 2 years younger so little does the younger girl know that she’ll lose out by 24 days as the older girl turns 30 some 24 days before she younger one turns 28!!! Quite complex huh?

So here’s a word of advice to anyone who’s below in their early 20s and reading this post…..28 will be there before you know it….so don’t get into pacts unless you’re some 35 or something. And to everyone who’s above 25….what the hell….haven’t you got a pact in place already....losers!!

On a separate note, saw Eklavya yesterday. Don't know what was more annoying...the movie or the 4 year old boy sitting next to me who seemed to have developed a crush on me in 2 hours. Kept tapping my shoulder and giving me these toothy grins everytime I'd turn to look at him and would move forward to check out the guy I was with. And then he almost shoved popcorn in my face and told his mom "Aunty ko de raha hoon" (Not didi! Aunty!!!) And when they said "Rajaji ki jai" in the movie, the boy yelled out "Auntyji ki jai"!!! On second thoughts, he didn't quite develop a crush. Think he was making fun of me. Hmmmm.....

Mouth-Not-Shut.com

My boss asked me "You don't have tea/coffee na?"
"No...not unless I'm really sleepy....so in case I'm ever having tea during a meeting, it means I'm bored and falling asleep"
Pause. Serious tone. "You shouldn't have told me that"

There are basically, a LOT of times like these, when I wish I knew when to shut up!! Maybe the reason why a lot of my friends tell me "Kitna bolti hai yaar", "Achha bas, shut up" or "Zee man, you're giving me a headache"... is because I don't quite talk through the day at work (nothing intelligent to say you see....so I just keep shut) and when the evening comes, I suffer from extreme verbal diarrhea...diarrheoa.. (or however the hell you spell it). None of my giggly girls would ever accuse me of talking too much though...let me assure you...cause they beat me hollow at it ...but it is a serious issue otherwise....especially when it comes to keeping secrets!!!!

You see, as a kid, if someone told me a secret (as evolved a secret as "I think Kevin Arnold is cute"...(remember him? Wonder years) ....) we'd cross out hearts never to spill the beans (I'm not sure why these qualified as secrets in the first place....not like our parents would lock us up just in case we ran off with him....what were we thinking man!!!). But the larger point being, I would run back home and write it in my diary and the secret would be offloaded

Now, life is slightly different. Now I'm this big fat lazy bum who finds it a herculean task to maintain her tax file (which I'm assuming is one of the most important files in the world) so maintaining a diary of "daily events" would be quite something. Though hey, it's tons and tons of fun looking back at your diaries when you were thirteen and laugh at the ridiculous problems you had in life.
"The character of Scott has changed in Neighbours (remember " Everybody needs good neighhhhhhhhbouuuuuuurrrrrsssssss").... How will I ever go on with my life? " Tears blot the words
"Jonty Rhodes has hurt his hand....what if he's not able to play the match" Tears again...
"I can't fit into my jeans anymore".... Ok so that, is a valid one!! And continues to exist!!!

So the point being, now I don't have a diary and I don't know how/who to offoad my secrets to..so it's even tougher to keep secrets at this point in life...so I make a trade off and never keep any about myself. My life is an open book no one is interested in even flipping through anyway (sigh sigh sigh sigh)

On a tangent, it's worse when you're told to keep a secret and another person is also told the same secret and asked to keep mum and you're both trying to hold a straight faced conversation when the secret teller is having a hearty laugh at your expense!!!

So next time you tell me a secret, and do go ahead and tell (coz that's what really spices up my inconsequential, unhappening life) despite this post....please be aware of the trauma I'm going through to keep it to myself......so YOU OWE ME ONE!!!

(Ooooh boy....arbit blog!)