Saturday, December 30, 2006

Much Ado About New Years Eve

What a rocking week it’s been. Have friends, cousins pouring in from every corner and I have partied till I drop! Bumped into my first crush and he actually remembered my name (yipieeeeeee) and walked up to me rather than the usual me ogling at him and he giving me the “do I know you” look

But coming back to what a week it has been….Went to Buzz to get insulted. Went with a bunch of friends/cousins and I was the only one they gave entry without questioning my age but no one else was allowed in cause they looked underage! And they were all the same age!!!! Why can’t I look underage for a change? Am sick of being asked “So which of you is the older sister?” My sister is 8 years older than me so you know how I feel!!!

Also organised a surprise party for a friend of ours. Couldn’t find a venue. Sheepishly called up his mother and asked if we could invite ourselves over. Wanted to smuggle in a pepsi like rum punch but we added too much juice so ended up with a rather orange coloured pepsi bottle and quite shadily tried to pass it off as a de-pesticised cola. Didn’t help. We could see the mother making a mental note of not allowing us in next time. And then of course stupidly spoilt the surprise by taking off our shoes at the entrance so he came in with a rather forlorn expression on his face!!!

In between the many social sessions through the week, the one topic that seemed to put all of us in a rather solemn mood was that of new year’s eve. “What should we do?”

Now there are a whole bunch of us. Mostly single. Mostly losers. No invites to any parties. No money to afford hip pubs. No stylish clothes to fit into the hip crowd in case we do find ourselves in a hip pub! So we made a list of 20 things we could do…..which could be summarized into 3 royal ideas if you ask me
1. Stay home and have a romantic candlelight dinner with your pet
2. Gatecrash
3. Draw lots to figure out which one gets suckered into hosting a get together for a bunch of losers who would drink themselves silly about not having any invite to any parties

Not really a big deal for me. Have had rather colourful new yrs eves in the past.

I was one of the few who spent the glamourous millennium night in front of my idiot box feeling like a complete idiot watching Leo Di Cap turn into a human icicle while Kate sang a rather off tune version of twinkle twinkle little star!!!

And then there was this one time (I know 5 people who will read this phrase and laugh) , when I was stuck in the narrow lanes of Sainik farms at the strike of 12 till the sun peeked out through the fog coz the traffic refused to move! Was grounded for that entire year! And that’s just not a pleasant way to start the year

And of course last year took the cake. After spending a rather happening 10 mins with some extremely page 3 people who discussed how amitabh and abhishek were going to mallya’s party but srk was ditching (insider info this) we headed off to a more grounded friend’s place to spend a cosy (read loserlike) evening together.

Let me take a moment and describe what I was doing at the strike of 12. I was hanging from my friend’s balcony yelling happy new year to people on the streets (there weren't any) with a friend swinging on the clothesline philosophizing…… “Life is an excel sheet. You need to sort it”. Ideally I would have liked to ponder on it but another friend giggled in with a video camera and took a 10 min footage of the floor in pitch darkness.

So the moral of the story being, given that I’ve had fairly off beat new yrs eves so I’m not quite demanding as to how to spend my evening. So any plans would do

But you know what! I decided to not look like a polar bear for a change yesterday and braved the cold and came back with a rather nasty cold. My nose is running like a tap and I’m sneezing enough to feel like a chuk-chuking train. So guess I’m home tomorrow night…..

What a way to start the year…..

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Wedding Bells....No no..Not mine!

A friend of mine read my previous post and said "It was so bad I was feeling embarrassed to even read it".....Well guess what! This is going to be much worse! Cause this is a culmination of a very, very bad day (I banged my car, got stuck in a massive jam, missed half of nach baliye (tragic!!!) and the bed side lamp conked off). So I’m sitting in complete darkness and trying to figure out the keys on my keyboard!!! Read at your own risk!

Given that I’ve spent my whole weekend at a wedding, have decided to blog on just that. Here are the Must do’s for a wedding.

1. Get invited!!!
Even if means going to GT Karnal road! This is because when there are 15000 weddings in the city and you’re not even invited to one….it does not speak much of your popularity quotient!

2. Visit the parlour (Ya of course this only holds true if you're a woman! If you're a man who gets his eyebrows done.......get a life dude!!!)
You can't possibly go to a wedding looking like your own self (read social outcast having a bad when everyone else looks straight out of cosmopolitan (sari clad with backless blouses....and you're in your grandmum's 1920's hide-it-all-the-fat blouse!!!). However, if your parlour lady is anything like mine, it is highly avoidable. "Aap to aur bhi mote ho gaye ho" is not the ideal thing to hear at the onset of such an event!

3. Acclimatize yourself
It's winters and foggy and you’ll probably spend the day whooshing out a lot of smoke, shiver and quiver and your only sense of relief is to watch the mandap fire…… when you've fought with your mum over not carrying that shawl just to be all fashionable, it’s advised to prepare yourself mentally to suffer. And to wake up with a massive cold and headache the next morning!

4. Buy a present within your budget
Do not embarrass yourself by walking into Tanishq and saying you would like something for 6K . And if you still stupidly do so, brace yourself for looks of disgust and pity from the shopkeepers. Attach yourself to the pity giver as he’s the only one who will be able to dish out some dust sized diamonds which you can gift wrap
Related advice: When some other friends who didn't have to undergo the torture of being illtreated by the shopkeeper, pass a snide comment like "Err...that's a pretty small stone isn't it".....Smack them!!!!

5. Trip
This is not as simple as it sounds. To some clumsy ones (read me) it comes most naturally, but the timing must be just right! Just when you’re standing in a group and no one can decide who should say bye to the bride’s mum first, you should decide to be Miss Confidence 2006 and start leading the way….find the perfect spot on the carpet where your broken heal can attach itself….make sure all your friends are looking at you... and then…..simply trip….topple over...whoosh...wham...thud!!! This not only ensures your popularity at the rest of the weddings as people point at you throughout and snigger, it also ensures that the rest of your friends have top class entertainment (at your expense) and they can take your trip (pun sooooooo intended) for the rest of your life!

One Question: Why me?

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The Phone Again

Changed the description of my blog to learning to laugh at life. Cause it's turning out to be a big joke all right!

Saturday nights mark the highlight of my week. This friend of mine who sells chewing gums to the paanwalas in UP (the jobs we have!) comes down every Saturday to party (the lives we lead!) and we tag along happily (the pseuds we are!) pretending to have a social life of our own.

We usually end up going to some dancing place (I hate lounges where you sit and stare at each other and some psycho trance music plays in the background) and dance for a good couple of hours out of sheer compulsion as there's no place to sit and you can't just stand in the middle of a dance floor, can you? Which in a way it's good cause it turns out to be great work out session for my everyday Garfieldish (read lazy) life. Wake up every Sunday morning with a terrible body ache and exchange messages like this
Friend: Man my body hurts. I think we're getting old. I also think we're very unfit
Me: Ya we should party more often to keep fit

So this Saturday I'm at Orange room (which btw kinda sucks coz a. it's like waaaaaaaaaaayyyyy too dark inside. b. it's waaaaaaaayyyy too crowded and c. everyone's always making out around u......and that's not a nice thing when u're single!!!).

So I'm there and I get an sms from a friend of mine who has insider info (ooooooo my happening friends!!) that Saif (ya ya THE Saif) is going to be at orange room. So I'm staring at the sms and drafting a reply when the DJ announces "Ladies and gentlemen, Saif is in our VIP lounge" . The crowd starts screaming and jumping and I look up to ogle at him when my friends start screaming at me "Your phone's in your hand! Take a video! Take a video!"

And then it happened. It was like time stood still....tick tick tick tick..... I'm trying to exit from the draft sms...tick tick tick tick...... and it's taking its own sweet time....tick tick tick tick....trying to switch to the camera mode.....tick tick tick tick....finally viewing him through the camera (and give up a chance to see him in person... stupid, stupid me) tick tick tick tick........and I cannot see a thing thru the stupid camera........tick tick tick tick......coz it's so freaking dark.......tick tick tick I turn on night mode.........tick tick tick tick.....which takes it's own sweet time....tick tick tick tick.....and I still can't see him.....tick tick tick I zoom in........tick tick tick tick........realise it's on still camera not video..........tick tick tick tick......try to switch.....tick tick tick tick......."Ladies and gentlemen Saif Ali Khan" and I finally look up from the freaking screen to see him wave and turn back!

Net net, wasted all my time trying to figure that stupid piece of technology in my hand!

I miss my 3310!

PS- Forgot to mention I get grounded every Sunday for overshooting my curfew. Sigh sigh!