Thursday, November 30, 2006

Giggly girls on idle afternoons

Oh man! I just visited some spooky website which is supposed to be some sort of psycho "alternate reality" something....which means I don't know whether it's real or fiction but I'm shit scared anyway! So the only way to distract myself was to write a blog! And as always I have no clue what I'm going to write about but let's see how it goes anyway!

Tought times coming my way. Got into a Kung Fu fight with my jeans a few days back. Tried very hard to pull them up but just couldn't. Kind of like the Seinfeld episode I caught where Kramer is trying to walk around in his skin fitted jeans. Decided I didn't want to do a Kramer especially given that my hair is quite getting there (Khosla ka Ghosla part 2... that's my hair.....except that I'm not a Khosla) so gave up and got into a skirt and then headed out for lunch with the school gang.

Let me introduce you to the afternoon with the school gang. We're a bunch of single 26 year old girls (girls, women....whatever) who believe in the 2 simple G's of life. Giggling and gossiping!

Typical outings with my school mates start with this line
"You've put on so much weight"
"Err.. Good to see you too"
"You've lost so much weight!"
"I lost 57 grams"

After we're done with the obesities (cool one huh?), we decide who will be the bali ka bakra and drive us to wherever we need to be driven (Thankfully, I'm never the bakra cause they're well aware of my parking skills and it would take me a couple of hours getting the tapes out of the way for anyone to get into my car).

Once in the car everyone pulls out their shades, plant them on their head (I think we're preventing our hair from tanning or something) and compare our new handbags.
"Same to you"

A typical conversations goes like this
"You know I was sitting at this restaurant where LMN (a painful character from school) was with ABC (Another painful character from school) and all they could talk about was Rani Mukherjee's jewellery in Paheli"
"Really? How pathetic is that!"
"Ya! Imagine, for 15 mins they went on and on about her jewellery and how good her clothes looked"
"Oh how utterly shady to discuss jewellery for 15 mins"
"Absurd indeed. Did you see the set she wore in that first scene"
"I liked the one at the dance"
45 mins spent in discussing a topic we thought was shady to discuss for 15 mins!

A typical meal goes like this
"We'd like a triple cheese pizza, fried chicken, brownie with chocolate ice cream.......and a diet coke"
And after the food arrives
"The pizza sucks"
"The chicken sucks"
"The brownie sucks"

We have a tough time fitting back into the car thanks to the food (though our wallets ALWAYS feel so much lighter) and then someone HAS to go shopping everytime! The rest of group open their guides on "how to lie through your teeth and pretend to have a social life outside the giggly gang" and try to wiggle their way out.

Net net (no still don't know how to end blogs) nothing tops those giggly girly afternoons! Long live all girl schools which breed the gossip monger in everyone!

PS- I know my giggly girls will read this....... it's all in good humour you know! :D

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

A day in the life of....... ya ya, me only!

(Warning: This post has been written after many of my friends have been sent one line mails saying I AM SO BORED!!!!!!!! )

And the truth is, I am bored. I'm bored of my worklife. I'm bored of my non existent social life. I'm bored of reading. I'm bored of TV. And I'm bored of my freaking routine!!! I'm so bored I don't know what to blog about! So I'm subjecting whichever poor soul surpasses this blog to know what my day looks like (I know you're not interested but this is MY blog and I get to talk about whatever I want! Hmph!)

I wake up at 8:25 sharp (don't ask me why!) , spend a chaotic 35 mins getting my life and my physical being in order and am out of the house by 9. I spend the next 10 mins sitting in the car adjusting the seat, opening out the side view mirrors, looking for my lost sun glasses (I find them in a new place EVERYDAY!!), taking out my handsfree, tuning to 102.6 and get ready to bang into my gate while reversing (Of late, I have been able to reverse out in one go. I should be awarded a medal for this given that the first dent in my car was by banging into my gate)

I have a 45 min drive to work in the most annoying traffic and I'm just about the most dangerous driver around (yeah yeah it was me who banged your car on MG road) and the music now sucks again on the radio (.......on a separate yet highly relevant note, someone please sue Ronan Keating for attempting Iris......). The last 10 mins of the drive, mind you, go in sincere prayers that I get parking in my office complex. It seems to me that every family in Delhi has at least one person working in my office complex. I am willing to conduct a survey on this in case someone is willing to finance it...

I spend a good day vegetating in front of my computer screen and a bad day running around getting scr***** (It's a family blog!!!) (And am not writing more about my work life just in case my boss sees this blog and doesn't promote me)

And then begins my drive home.....I call up everyone on my list. (That handsfree phone is a BAD BAD idea. First the expensive phone, now the expensive bills. I have no salary left! Not like I had any before this goddamn (oops blog and all) phone was bought but it just means lesser money to spend on edibles)

I get home at 8ish (could be good by your standards but by mine it sucks) and plonk myself in front of the TV. My mum subjects me to every possible saans bahu serial till 10 coz I refuse to go to the other room to watch Ross and Rachel. Post 10 is the only sunshine in my life (currently). Big Boss!!!! Am highly doubtful it's a real reality show........but CANNOT imagine being stuck in a houseful of strangers away from my family. The hostel was bad enough and that was when we had individual rooms! Girls are anyway so messy. Imagine having make up and towels lying around all over the place! ughhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Anyway, pl excuse this post. It's due to sheer boredom and lack of sleep (My bed has been creaking so much every time I toss and turn........and because it creaks I toss and turn........ so basically it's one vicious cycle ........either it's time to lose weight or to change my bed. I'm hoping it's the latter)

I most certainly lead the most boring life ever. Right down to the fact that I'm writing a boring blog now.

I wonder how Prince Williams day goes. Wake up whenever. Bathe whenever. Get out whenever. Pose for some pictures. Shake some hands. Hmmmm.......

I told you I don't know how to end blogs!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Ego Dampener

(Is dampener a word???? Like dampen the ego???)

First of all, apologies! Ba apparently is not dead (Refer previous post)! To be honest, I saw the episode when she was on her deathbed and there were heavy rumours about it so I just assumed she was! So apologies to all those who did that little dance on hearing the good news and finally thought they could give Kyunki another shot (Ekta Kapoor should be paying me for returning a lot of viewers to that brain dead show). So sorry for getting your hopes up high! It's the rumours you should blame!

Have had quite a useless week........thinking about random issues which don't affect my life but am putting them down nonetheless! ha ha! And the only string I could build into relating these random issues was that all that thinking didn't do wonders to my ego. And here is how.....

It was SRK's bday. They interviewed his teachers and paanwaala and doodhwala to ask their anecdotes of him and everyone of them made him sound like an angel. Am just wondering, what if they had actually said
Teacher: "Arrey Shah rukh to bada hi buddhu student thha. Cheating kar kar ke to paas hua hai. Pata nahin kahan se star ban gaya". Or the Paanwala: "Bada hi berahem thha. Abhi tak 124.36 rupay udhaar hain. Aap hi sandesa pahucha do?" I'm positive if I were to ever become a celeb my teachers would say "Err....who was she?" or more appropriately "We are seriously surprised she's made it anywhere in life!" How come every star's mum and dad and teachers always know he's going to become a star? Anyway, that bit of thinking didn't do much to my ego

Then my cousins came down from London. And suddenly I realised how crappy my English really is. I always thought if I was (was, were??? err.......) to move to England I could very well do with my vocab and with my accent. Yet when I met them, all myths about my second language were shattered. It took me a full 3 hours to get a hang of their accent. And it's taken them 7 days to get used to mine. "Sorry?" Eggjactly!!! (No I'm not as bad as Javed Jaffery! Hmph!) Not only did I realise my accent is funny (and theirs funnier), I realised I couldn't say one sentence completely in English!!! Have spent a lot of time stuttering and fumbling over my words (I'm sure they think I need to go in for language therapy) cause I form this hinglish sentence in my head and spend 10 mins translating it before it comes out the way it should! It's been a life changing experience. And an ego dampening one as well!

On a separate note, saw Vivah. PLEASE DO NOT, DO NOT SEE IT!!!!!!!!!!! This is a serious health warning!!! No matter how brave you are, how many lovey dovey movies you have been subjected to..this one takes the cake!!!! This one takes the bakery! (Ooooooooh that was a bad one. Even I grimaced once I wrote it!)
I must tell you, I did NOT intend to see the movie. Those London cousins of mine wanted to watch it and I was the nice, polite sister who sat through 3 hours of that nonsense!!! To top it all, my cousins loved it!!!
They: "It was so Indian"
Me: "It was regressive"
They: "It was so sweet"
Me: "It was diabetic"
They: "It was so colourful"
Me: "It was garish"
They: "It was so touching"
Me: (Blank) "Are you like kidding me??? No i mean seriously???"
Net net, please do not waste your time on it!

Ok I'm done with my useless rambling. Hmm....maybe I should change my blog's name to keep rambling....I have to be the most arbit blogger in the history of bloggywood (heheheheh I'm the queen of bad jokes today) (and no, don't u dare put "as always" in your comments!!!)

I just never know how to end posts!!!! ..............Maybe I'll blog on just that next time!!! :)

Till then......

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Technical No- How

Ok 1....this is not a funny's just arbit rambling.........and 2......ya just had 1 point to make I guess......

Last week was super!!! I practically took the whole week off, lazed around in my pajamas 24X7, stuffed myself till I turned into a balloon (was already a beachball) and watched all the K serials (Tulsi is at her fattest best, everyone is currently on their 3rd round of marriages and Ba is finally dead.....I think......after living 350 years.....)

Anyway, towards the end of the week I realised I wanted to make myself useful and went to buy myself a new phone. I've owned a 3310 for years now....people have been hinting for a change since the time I bought it I think....they'd grimace at the sight of it, call it things like chappal, would never borrow my phone to make a call and some have even told me they're embarrassed of me carrying it!!! Of course none of my loving friends offered to buy me one......hmph......but the last straw came when one of the peons in my office told me
"Maam jab aap phone badlein to mujhe de deejiyega....main apne gaon bhejoonga"
"Gaon kyon?"
"Nahin mere paas to achha phone hai na. Gaon mein isse kaam chala lenge"

So finally decided it was time to move on (I love my 3310) and took my friend along for this techie shopping. You see, technology, of any kind, terrifies me!!! I remember getting these minature heart attacks everytime someone would also me to work on a telecom project in my previous job. And I remember hating a laptop for years cause I was just so comfortable with a normal PC. So I needed moral and technical support at such a crucial moment of my life and my poor friend was dragged along on the promise of a coffee afterwards (which of course never happened)

Just walking into the store with all these gadgets around made me feel like I'm in I-Robot or something. Not like I've seen the movie of course........I had all these TVs staring at me, these washing machines making eerie whirling noises and all these funky looking phones throwing attitude at me and my poor 3310. My 3310 squirmed into the palm of my hand and I quickly buried it in my bag! I took a deep breath and let my friend do the talking

So he asked about the specifications, the price, the features and I finally gave all the gadgets a dirty look and mustered up the courage to ask "Er, do you have it in any other colour?" and spent a full 10 mins out of our 15 min trip to the outlet deciding which colour to if my life depended on it really!!! (PS- there were only 2 colours to choose from- black or brown)

Anyway, walked out feeling like the proud owner of the new cellphone and have had a very tough week hence

A friend of mine called and I boasted "Man, your voice is mighty loud on this phone......" and then realised it was on loudspeaker! Need to get my eardrums checked now

I plugged in my handsfree and put the earplugs away intending to pick up the phone when it rings but didn't know I can't hear it ring if the handsfree is plugged in so am driving up my bill returning missed calls

I'm taking ages to type in an sms and am clicking all the wrong a result saving a lot of half written messages in my drafts folder

And I have a lot of pictures of the floor, the slippers, my bedcover, zooming in on my toenail which my photographer 2 year old niece has clicked but I can't seem to erase them!!!

Also called for an emergency meeting with a friend of mine cause I set a wallpaper and didn't know how to remove it and could not take the stupid fish in the wallpaper stare at me a minute longer!

And finally today I called up my friend in Agra who was half dying trying to sell a chewing gum to a land where the paan rules to figure out how to put in a freaking reminder!!!

After 6 days of extreme struggle, have just come to live with the fact that I'm technologically daft!!

BTW, also bought my mom a new TV....but that's another story all together......

Added Later: My friend now informs me that my voice isn't clear on the new phone! That 10K down the drain!