Saturday, December 30, 2006

Much Ado About New Years Eve

What a rocking week it’s been. Have friends, cousins pouring in from every corner and I have partied till I drop! Bumped into my first crush and he actually remembered my name (yipieeeeeee) and walked up to me rather than the usual me ogling at him and he giving me the “do I know you” look

But coming back to what a week it has been….Went to Buzz to get insulted. Went with a bunch of friends/cousins and I was the only one they gave entry without questioning my age but no one else was allowed in cause they looked underage! And they were all the same age!!!! Why can’t I look underage for a change? Am sick of being asked “So which of you is the older sister?” My sister is 8 years older than me so you know how I feel!!!

Also organised a surprise party for a friend of ours. Couldn’t find a venue. Sheepishly called up his mother and asked if we could invite ourselves over. Wanted to smuggle in a pepsi like rum punch but we added too much juice so ended up with a rather orange coloured pepsi bottle and quite shadily tried to pass it off as a de-pesticised cola. Didn’t help. We could see the mother making a mental note of not allowing us in next time. And then of course stupidly spoilt the surprise by taking off our shoes at the entrance so he came in with a rather forlorn expression on his face!!!

In between the many social sessions through the week, the one topic that seemed to put all of us in a rather solemn mood was that of new year’s eve. “What should we do?”

Now there are a whole bunch of us. Mostly single. Mostly losers. No invites to any parties. No money to afford hip pubs. No stylish clothes to fit into the hip crowd in case we do find ourselves in a hip pub! So we made a list of 20 things we could do…..which could be summarized into 3 royal ideas if you ask me
1. Stay home and have a romantic candlelight dinner with your pet
2. Gatecrash
3. Draw lots to figure out which one gets suckered into hosting a get together for a bunch of losers who would drink themselves silly about not having any invite to any parties

Not really a big deal for me. Have had rather colourful new yrs eves in the past.

I was one of the few who spent the glamourous millennium night in front of my idiot box feeling like a complete idiot watching Leo Di Cap turn into a human icicle while Kate sang a rather off tune version of twinkle twinkle little star!!!

And then there was this one time (I know 5 people who will read this phrase and laugh) , when I was stuck in the narrow lanes of Sainik farms at the strike of 12 till the sun peeked out through the fog coz the traffic refused to move! Was grounded for that entire year! And that’s just not a pleasant way to start the year

And of course last year took the cake. After spending a rather happening 10 mins with some extremely page 3 people who discussed how amitabh and abhishek were going to mallya’s party but srk was ditching (insider info this) we headed off to a more grounded friend’s place to spend a cosy (read loserlike) evening together.

Let me take a moment and describe what I was doing at the strike of 12. I was hanging from my friend’s balcony yelling happy new year to people on the streets (there weren't any) with a friend swinging on the clothesline philosophizing…… “Life is an excel sheet. You need to sort it”. Ideally I would have liked to ponder on it but another friend giggled in with a video camera and took a 10 min footage of the floor in pitch darkness.

So the moral of the story being, given that I’ve had fairly off beat new yrs eves so I’m not quite demanding as to how to spend my evening. So any plans would do

But you know what! I decided to not look like a polar bear for a change yesterday and braved the cold and came back with a rather nasty cold. My nose is running like a tap and I’m sneezing enough to feel like a chuk-chuking train. So guess I’m home tomorrow night…..

What a way to start the year…..

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Wedding Bells....No no..Not mine!

A friend of mine read my previous post and said "It was so bad I was feeling embarrassed to even read it".....Well guess what! This is going to be much worse! Cause this is a culmination of a very, very bad day (I banged my car, got stuck in a massive jam, missed half of nach baliye (tragic!!!) and the bed side lamp conked off). So I’m sitting in complete darkness and trying to figure out the keys on my keyboard!!! Read at your own risk!

Given that I’ve spent my whole weekend at a wedding, have decided to blog on just that. Here are the Must do’s for a wedding.

1. Get invited!!!
Even if means going to GT Karnal road! This is because when there are 15000 weddings in the city and you’re not even invited to one….it does not speak much of your popularity quotient!

2. Visit the parlour (Ya of course this only holds true if you're a woman! If you're a man who gets his eyebrows done.......get a life dude!!!)
You can't possibly go to a wedding looking like your own self (read social outcast having a bad when everyone else looks straight out of cosmopolitan (sari clad with backless blouses....and you're in your grandmum's 1920's hide-it-all-the-fat blouse!!!). However, if your parlour lady is anything like mine, it is highly avoidable. "Aap to aur bhi mote ho gaye ho" is not the ideal thing to hear at the onset of such an event!

3. Acclimatize yourself
It's winters and foggy and you’ll probably spend the day whooshing out a lot of smoke, shiver and quiver and your only sense of relief is to watch the mandap fire…… when you've fought with your mum over not carrying that shawl just to be all fashionable, it’s advised to prepare yourself mentally to suffer. And to wake up with a massive cold and headache the next morning!

4. Buy a present within your budget
Do not embarrass yourself by walking into Tanishq and saying you would like something for 6K . And if you still stupidly do so, brace yourself for looks of disgust and pity from the shopkeepers. Attach yourself to the pity giver as he’s the only one who will be able to dish out some dust sized diamonds which you can gift wrap
Related advice: When some other friends who didn't have to undergo the torture of being illtreated by the shopkeeper, pass a snide comment like "Err...that's a pretty small stone isn't it".....Smack them!!!!

5. Trip
This is not as simple as it sounds. To some clumsy ones (read me) it comes most naturally, but the timing must be just right! Just when you’re standing in a group and no one can decide who should say bye to the bride’s mum first, you should decide to be Miss Confidence 2006 and start leading the way….find the perfect spot on the carpet where your broken heal can attach itself….make sure all your friends are looking at you... and then…..simply trip….topple over...whoosh...wham...thud!!! This not only ensures your popularity at the rest of the weddings as people point at you throughout and snigger, it also ensures that the rest of your friends have top class entertainment (at your expense) and they can take your trip (pun sooooooo intended) for the rest of your life!

One Question: Why me?

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The Phone Again

Changed the description of my blog to learning to laugh at life. Cause it's turning out to be a big joke all right!

Saturday nights mark the highlight of my week. This friend of mine who sells chewing gums to the paanwalas in UP (the jobs we have!) comes down every Saturday to party (the lives we lead!) and we tag along happily (the pseuds we are!) pretending to have a social life of our own.

We usually end up going to some dancing place (I hate lounges where you sit and stare at each other and some psycho trance music plays in the background) and dance for a good couple of hours out of sheer compulsion as there's no place to sit and you can't just stand in the middle of a dance floor, can you? Which in a way it's good cause it turns out to be great work out session for my everyday Garfieldish (read lazy) life. Wake up every Sunday morning with a terrible body ache and exchange messages like this
Friend: Man my body hurts. I think we're getting old. I also think we're very unfit
Me: Ya we should party more often to keep fit

So this Saturday I'm at Orange room (which btw kinda sucks coz a. it's like waaaaaaaaaaayyyyy too dark inside. b. it's waaaaaaaayyyy too crowded and c. everyone's always making out around u......and that's not a nice thing when u're single!!!).

So I'm there and I get an sms from a friend of mine who has insider info (ooooooo my happening friends!!) that Saif (ya ya THE Saif) is going to be at orange room. So I'm staring at the sms and drafting a reply when the DJ announces "Ladies and gentlemen, Saif is in our VIP lounge" . The crowd starts screaming and jumping and I look up to ogle at him when my friends start screaming at me "Your phone's in your hand! Take a video! Take a video!"

And then it happened. It was like time stood still....tick tick tick tick..... I'm trying to exit from the draft sms...tick tick tick tick...... and it's taking its own sweet time....tick tick tick tick....trying to switch to the camera mode.....tick tick tick tick....finally viewing him through the camera (and give up a chance to see him in person... stupid, stupid me) tick tick tick tick........and I cannot see a thing thru the stupid camera........tick tick tick tick......coz it's so freaking dark.......tick tick tick I turn on night mode.........tick tick tick tick.....which takes it's own sweet time....tick tick tick tick.....and I still can't see him.....tick tick tick I zoom in........tick tick tick tick........realise it's on still camera not video..........tick tick tick tick......try to switch.....tick tick tick tick......."Ladies and gentlemen Saif Ali Khan" and I finally look up from the freaking screen to see him wave and turn back!

Net net, wasted all my time trying to figure that stupid piece of technology in my hand!

I miss my 3310!

PS- Forgot to mention I get grounded every Sunday for overshooting my curfew. Sigh sigh!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Giggly girls on idle afternoons

Oh man! I just visited some spooky website which is supposed to be some sort of psycho "alternate reality" something....which means I don't know whether it's real or fiction but I'm shit scared anyway! So the only way to distract myself was to write a blog! And as always I have no clue what I'm going to write about but let's see how it goes anyway!

Tought times coming my way. Got into a Kung Fu fight with my jeans a few days back. Tried very hard to pull them up but just couldn't. Kind of like the Seinfeld episode I caught where Kramer is trying to walk around in his skin fitted jeans. Decided I didn't want to do a Kramer especially given that my hair is quite getting there (Khosla ka Ghosla part 2... that's my hair.....except that I'm not a Khosla) so gave up and got into a skirt and then headed out for lunch with the school gang.

Let me introduce you to the afternoon with the school gang. We're a bunch of single 26 year old girls (girls, women....whatever) who believe in the 2 simple G's of life. Giggling and gossiping!

Typical outings with my school mates start with this line
"You've put on so much weight"
"Err.. Good to see you too"
"You've lost so much weight!"
"I lost 57 grams"

After we're done with the obesities (cool one huh?), we decide who will be the bali ka bakra and drive us to wherever we need to be driven (Thankfully, I'm never the bakra cause they're well aware of my parking skills and it would take me a couple of hours getting the tapes out of the way for anyone to get into my car).

Once in the car everyone pulls out their shades, plant them on their head (I think we're preventing our hair from tanning or something) and compare our new handbags.
"Same to you"

A typical conversations goes like this
"You know I was sitting at this restaurant where LMN (a painful character from school) was with ABC (Another painful character from school) and all they could talk about was Rani Mukherjee's jewellery in Paheli"
"Really? How pathetic is that!"
"Ya! Imagine, for 15 mins they went on and on about her jewellery and how good her clothes looked"
"Oh how utterly shady to discuss jewellery for 15 mins"
"Absurd indeed. Did you see the set she wore in that first scene"
"I liked the one at the dance"
45 mins spent in discussing a topic we thought was shady to discuss for 15 mins!

A typical meal goes like this
"We'd like a triple cheese pizza, fried chicken, brownie with chocolate ice cream.......and a diet coke"
And after the food arrives
"The pizza sucks"
"The chicken sucks"
"The brownie sucks"

We have a tough time fitting back into the car thanks to the food (though our wallets ALWAYS feel so much lighter) and then someone HAS to go shopping everytime! The rest of group open their guides on "how to lie through your teeth and pretend to have a social life outside the giggly gang" and try to wiggle their way out.

Net net (no still don't know how to end blogs) nothing tops those giggly girly afternoons! Long live all girl schools which breed the gossip monger in everyone!

PS- I know my giggly girls will read this....... it's all in good humour you know! :D

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

A day in the life of....... ya ya, me only!

(Warning: This post has been written after many of my friends have been sent one line mails saying I AM SO BORED!!!!!!!! )

And the truth is, I am bored. I'm bored of my worklife. I'm bored of my non existent social life. I'm bored of reading. I'm bored of TV. And I'm bored of my freaking routine!!! I'm so bored I don't know what to blog about! So I'm subjecting whichever poor soul surpasses this blog to know what my day looks like (I know you're not interested but this is MY blog and I get to talk about whatever I want! Hmph!)

I wake up at 8:25 sharp (don't ask me why!) , spend a chaotic 35 mins getting my life and my physical being in order and am out of the house by 9. I spend the next 10 mins sitting in the car adjusting the seat, opening out the side view mirrors, looking for my lost sun glasses (I find them in a new place EVERYDAY!!), taking out my handsfree, tuning to 102.6 and get ready to bang into my gate while reversing (Of late, I have been able to reverse out in one go. I should be awarded a medal for this given that the first dent in my car was by banging into my gate)

I have a 45 min drive to work in the most annoying traffic and I'm just about the most dangerous driver around (yeah yeah it was me who banged your car on MG road) and the music now sucks again on the radio (.......on a separate yet highly relevant note, someone please sue Ronan Keating for attempting Iris......). The last 10 mins of the drive, mind you, go in sincere prayers that I get parking in my office complex. It seems to me that every family in Delhi has at least one person working in my office complex. I am willing to conduct a survey on this in case someone is willing to finance it...

I spend a good day vegetating in front of my computer screen and a bad day running around getting scr***** (It's a family blog!!!) (And am not writing more about my work life just in case my boss sees this blog and doesn't promote me)

And then begins my drive home.....I call up everyone on my list. (That handsfree phone is a BAD BAD idea. First the expensive phone, now the expensive bills. I have no salary left! Not like I had any before this goddamn (oops blog and all) phone was bought but it just means lesser money to spend on edibles)

I get home at 8ish (could be good by your standards but by mine it sucks) and plonk myself in front of the TV. My mum subjects me to every possible saans bahu serial till 10 coz I refuse to go to the other room to watch Ross and Rachel. Post 10 is the only sunshine in my life (currently). Big Boss!!!! Am highly doubtful it's a real reality show........but CANNOT imagine being stuck in a houseful of strangers away from my family. The hostel was bad enough and that was when we had individual rooms! Girls are anyway so messy. Imagine having make up and towels lying around all over the place! ughhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Anyway, pl excuse this post. It's due to sheer boredom and lack of sleep (My bed has been creaking so much every time I toss and turn........and because it creaks I toss and turn........ so basically it's one vicious cycle ........either it's time to lose weight or to change my bed. I'm hoping it's the latter)

I most certainly lead the most boring life ever. Right down to the fact that I'm writing a boring blog now.

I wonder how Prince Williams day goes. Wake up whenever. Bathe whenever. Get out whenever. Pose for some pictures. Shake some hands. Hmmmm.......

I told you I don't know how to end blogs!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Ego Dampener

(Is dampener a word???? Like dampen the ego???)

First of all, apologies! Ba apparently is not dead (Refer previous post)! To be honest, I saw the episode when she was on her deathbed and there were heavy rumours about it so I just assumed she was! So apologies to all those who did that little dance on hearing the good news and finally thought they could give Kyunki another shot (Ekta Kapoor should be paying me for returning a lot of viewers to that brain dead show). So sorry for getting your hopes up high! It's the rumours you should blame!

Have had quite a useless week........thinking about random issues which don't affect my life but am putting them down nonetheless! ha ha! And the only string I could build into relating these random issues was that all that thinking didn't do wonders to my ego. And here is how.....

It was SRK's bday. They interviewed his teachers and paanwaala and doodhwala to ask their anecdotes of him and everyone of them made him sound like an angel. Am just wondering, what if they had actually said
Teacher: "Arrey Shah rukh to bada hi buddhu student thha. Cheating kar kar ke to paas hua hai. Pata nahin kahan se star ban gaya". Or the Paanwala: "Bada hi berahem thha. Abhi tak 124.36 rupay udhaar hain. Aap hi sandesa pahucha do?" I'm positive if I were to ever become a celeb my teachers would say "Err....who was she?" or more appropriately "We are seriously surprised she's made it anywhere in life!" How come every star's mum and dad and teachers always know he's going to become a star? Anyway, that bit of thinking didn't do much to my ego

Then my cousins came down from London. And suddenly I realised how crappy my English really is. I always thought if I was (was, were??? err.......) to move to England I could very well do with my vocab and with my accent. Yet when I met them, all myths about my second language were shattered. It took me a full 3 hours to get a hang of their accent. And it's taken them 7 days to get used to mine. "Sorry?" Eggjactly!!! (No I'm not as bad as Javed Jaffery! Hmph!) Not only did I realise my accent is funny (and theirs funnier), I realised I couldn't say one sentence completely in English!!! Have spent a lot of time stuttering and fumbling over my words (I'm sure they think I need to go in for language therapy) cause I form this hinglish sentence in my head and spend 10 mins translating it before it comes out the way it should! It's been a life changing experience. And an ego dampening one as well!

On a separate note, saw Vivah. PLEASE DO NOT, DO NOT SEE IT!!!!!!!!!!! This is a serious health warning!!! No matter how brave you are, how many lovey dovey movies you have been subjected to..this one takes the cake!!!! This one takes the bakery! (Ooooooooh that was a bad one. Even I grimaced once I wrote it!)
I must tell you, I did NOT intend to see the movie. Those London cousins of mine wanted to watch it and I was the nice, polite sister who sat through 3 hours of that nonsense!!! To top it all, my cousins loved it!!!
They: "It was so Indian"
Me: "It was regressive"
They: "It was so sweet"
Me: "It was diabetic"
They: "It was so colourful"
Me: "It was garish"
They: "It was so touching"
Me: (Blank) "Are you like kidding me??? No i mean seriously???"
Net net, please do not waste your time on it!

Ok I'm done with my useless rambling. Hmm....maybe I should change my blog's name to keep rambling....I have to be the most arbit blogger in the history of bloggywood (heheheheh I'm the queen of bad jokes today) (and no, don't u dare put "as always" in your comments!!!)

I just never know how to end posts!!!! ..............Maybe I'll blog on just that next time!!! :)

Till then......

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Technical No- How

Ok 1....this is not a funny's just arbit rambling.........and 2......ya just had 1 point to make I guess......

Last week was super!!! I practically took the whole week off, lazed around in my pajamas 24X7, stuffed myself till I turned into a balloon (was already a beachball) and watched all the K serials (Tulsi is at her fattest best, everyone is currently on their 3rd round of marriages and Ba is finally dead.....I think......after living 350 years.....)

Anyway, towards the end of the week I realised I wanted to make myself useful and went to buy myself a new phone. I've owned a 3310 for years now....people have been hinting for a change since the time I bought it I think....they'd grimace at the sight of it, call it things like chappal, would never borrow my phone to make a call and some have even told me they're embarrassed of me carrying it!!! Of course none of my loving friends offered to buy me one......hmph......but the last straw came when one of the peons in my office told me
"Maam jab aap phone badlein to mujhe de deejiyega....main apne gaon bhejoonga"
"Gaon kyon?"
"Nahin mere paas to achha phone hai na. Gaon mein isse kaam chala lenge"

So finally decided it was time to move on (I love my 3310) and took my friend along for this techie shopping. You see, technology, of any kind, terrifies me!!! I remember getting these minature heart attacks everytime someone would also me to work on a telecom project in my previous job. And I remember hating a laptop for years cause I was just so comfortable with a normal PC. So I needed moral and technical support at such a crucial moment of my life and my poor friend was dragged along on the promise of a coffee afterwards (which of course never happened)

Just walking into the store with all these gadgets around made me feel like I'm in I-Robot or something. Not like I've seen the movie of course........I had all these TVs staring at me, these washing machines making eerie whirling noises and all these funky looking phones throwing attitude at me and my poor 3310. My 3310 squirmed into the palm of my hand and I quickly buried it in my bag! I took a deep breath and let my friend do the talking

So he asked about the specifications, the price, the features and I finally gave all the gadgets a dirty look and mustered up the courage to ask "Er, do you have it in any other colour?" and spent a full 10 mins out of our 15 min trip to the outlet deciding which colour to if my life depended on it really!!! (PS- there were only 2 colours to choose from- black or brown)

Anyway, walked out feeling like the proud owner of the new cellphone and have had a very tough week hence

A friend of mine called and I boasted "Man, your voice is mighty loud on this phone......" and then realised it was on loudspeaker! Need to get my eardrums checked now

I plugged in my handsfree and put the earplugs away intending to pick up the phone when it rings but didn't know I can't hear it ring if the handsfree is plugged in so am driving up my bill returning missed calls

I'm taking ages to type in an sms and am clicking all the wrong a result saving a lot of half written messages in my drafts folder

And I have a lot of pictures of the floor, the slippers, my bedcover, zooming in on my toenail which my photographer 2 year old niece has clicked but I can't seem to erase them!!!

Also called for an emergency meeting with a friend of mine cause I set a wallpaper and didn't know how to remove it and could not take the stupid fish in the wallpaper stare at me a minute longer!

And finally today I called up my friend in Agra who was half dying trying to sell a chewing gum to a land where the paan rules to figure out how to put in a freaking reminder!!!

After 6 days of extreme struggle, have just come to live with the fact that I'm technologically daft!!

BTW, also bought my mom a new TV....but that's another story all together......

Added Later: My friend now informs me that my voice isn't clear on the new phone! That 10K down the drain!

Friday, October 27, 2006

The longest 10 mins

Eid was announced rather abruptly on Tuesday…..was up till 3am dusting the house (it's like we had our very own sandstorm here ......and i came out looking like a poor santa who's wiggled his way through an unclean chimney!!!). Why it was so abruptly announced was because some idiot in Bihar saw the moon and some wierdo in Bangalore said he's seen the moon so we in Delhi are wondering where the f did the moon lose his way in showing up here!!!

Bro in law still trying to figure why, if eid is based on whether the moon is sighted or not, why the group of maulanas were sitting in a closed room figuring out where the moon is. Step outside you guys and you'll be able to spot it, or not spot it, in the sky! How tough is that!

Wonder what they talk about.....

"So the location of the moon sighted in Bihar is 24X358X226 and in Bangalore is 87X38X556 so given that logic Delhi would've also spotted the moon had we not wasted our time sitting in this closed room" Nah!

They're most probably saying "If we don't announce eid tomorrow we'll have to fast one more day. It's eid tomorrow. Amen!"

Ya so basically they announced it at midnight that it's eid on Tuesday. And lots of people came over. And there was this one point in the evening when I was screamed at for being a recluse and was asked to sit in with the guests who're coming in. So I politely walk into the room and seat myself in a corner.......experting the art of looking entertained by the conversation around me while revising my multiplication tables from class 2!! (Yes I was very bored!)

In the midst of the conversation my mum gets a call and she goes in, leaving me dumbstruck with these guests.

(Time starts now) I look at the floor, start playing with the bells attached to the end of my dupatta, smile at the couple and was glad to see them look as uncomfortable with me. The silence is killing.
Guest: So beta, what are you doing now?
Me: (After being asked this question for 3 years in a row without any change in my answer or expression): I’m working
Guest: Really? Same place?
Me: (Trying to figure out what he meant by that……a. The "really" meant I’m not capable of working? b. "Same place" had a touch of surprise .... Did they think I would be thrown out?) No, I switched jobs
Guest: (Surprise that someone has actually employed me after the mistake my first company made by employing me and pity at the new company) Where?
Guest: (Totally blank expression…) Huh?
Me: XYZ??
Guest: Err, what is that?
Me: We make ABC
Guest: (Sudden comprehension) Ohhhhhhhh (Makes a mental note to ever touch the product of the company again) So how are you liking it?
………..Now this is what I want to know! When people ask you, unless they’re your friends, how’s your work coming along, what do you tell them? Shit man! It sucks! I’d rather be a radio jockey but I’ve never seen the insides of a radio studio….. and the only reason I want to be a jockey is because I like music…I think…..Or Oh man, i luv my job. I luv thriving on consumer data and i luv SPSS ( who cares???)
Me: (After much debate in my head) Good uncle
Guest: Excellent (Ok looks like I can't possibly continue this topic anymore)
Silence. Mother is still on the phone. I'm thinking of what to count next.
Me: (Cannot understand what in the world my mum is discussing with whoever has called for so long yet feeling socially responsible for carrying on this conversation) So how are the boys? (Why oh why did I have to say boys? Why not kids? I had no clue of the sex of their children…….. just that they did have some…..Oh God, please let them be the couple with boys)
Guest: They’re well (What kind of an answer is well?)
Silence. I count the number of flowers in the vase, the number of loops in the telephone wire, the number of lines on my index finger!!!
Me: (One last attempt) So which class are they in now?
Guest: Bada wala class 12 mein hai
Me: Oh really? That’s really grown up
Guest: Blank expression returns: You just met him 6 months back. Remember you adviced him on colleges?
Me: (Time to drown myself) Err…I’ll just go see where my Mom is…….(End of 10 mins)

BTW, saw the video of london london bridge on VH1 has come a full circle.......this song just does not get off my back!!!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

My world this week

So much for my blog tagline being "I never shut up" when I actually shut up for some 2 weeks! No it's not coz I was recovering from the salsa's coz I was suffering from writer's block.....stop laughing you's a serious problem....... The way it works is this.... I have saved some 10 half written blogs and have just never had the patience to complete them..... So am making yet another attempt....and if you can see it, I was successful wasn't I duh!

So here the story of my life.....putting down 3 of the most relevent topics which have been blocking my mind this week!

Topic#1: The lack of money
I hate waking up to a message beep on Saturdays. No, don't get me wrong. I love receiving smses.....really do......but Saturday mornings means getting a Citibank Alert and the dismal state of my bank account sets my depressed mood for the weekend! And then I received my cellphone bill (I fainted and had to be woken up with the sms beep), my credit card bill (sending flowers to friends sure cheered them up but left me feeling very very poor) and then to top it all the indian postal system drops off mails which says sponsor food for the underfed in ethopia....... hello......I'm trying to sponsor an underfed Indian girl right here in India quite unsuccessfully! Give me a break please!!! I am surely living below poverty line with the kind of money I'm earning. Key take out: Does anyone know of anyone who will hire someone with zero skills yet pay her enough to pay off all bills? (PS am very worried that I spontaneously wrote a scary term like "key takeout"...... I've obviously been spending too much time at office.......which is seriously hazardous to my well being!) I need a well paying job people!

Topic#2: My weight problem
When I turned 25 last yr, people said it's all downhill from here. Well they were wrong weren't they. It's been going uphill on the weight front at geometrical progression ever since. Some sweet friends even tell me "Hey if this size doesn't fit you, you can exchange it for a larger one....after all you're a growing girl"....... and it's a large size she's gifted me anyway! I will not exchange it no matter what coz a. I'm v optimistic. I think someday I will lose weight (Just to paint a clearer picture I have 3 drawers full of undersized clothes I no longer fit into but like to believe I will fit into them someday) and b. coz my ego doesn't allow me to ask for a larger size to a large! So even if my lungs file a petition demanding some air, i will not exchange that kurti!!!! It's royally hanging in the closet...will soon to moved to one of the drawers

Topic#3: Stupid radio channels
This is like complete nonsense! Finally there was this one channel which was playing good, not ok, not decent but GOOD english music and even that switches to bhangra and the likes! As it is we were getting more than enough doses of "my london london bridge wanna go down" (why must she announce it 50 times a day I don't understand) and now we have another one of those. Jeez!!! So there goes the back to 102.6

Ok 3 completely unrelated topics but I had to let the steam out!! Now I'll have some mind space to write about less mundane matters like rakhi sawant and the sad state of affairs of my social life (No the two are not related..they're just less mundance issues! Get a life!)

Till then......

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Saroj Khan Ki Seeti

If you're very page 3 types then you won't know what the title is supposed to mean but if you're a TV addict like me and watch nach baliye you'd know what i'm talking about all right!

So it all started like this. Thanks to dark discos and drunk friends around, i began thinking i'm a pro at dancing. I mean, all i used to do was jiggle my butt and move my head to the beat and that somehow made me feel like i'm born to dance!

So i decided to enter the world of salsa. And it was really tough to join it in the first place anyway. You see i'm no slim and trim hot looking girl the guys in class would fall all over to dance with. So the thought of the instructor calling out "pair up" and me standing in one corner hoping someone would accept me as their partner scared the daylights out of me! And so began my quest for Mr dance partner! And I started asking all and sundry… “Errrr, do you want to learn salsa with me?” "Hey you look like you've done salsa. No? Well do you want to learn it with me?" I would even go up to the extent of lying to some of my most ungraceful friends and gush “Wow! You’re a super dancer! Do you want to join salsa with me?” The last straw i think was when I met my friend’s brother for the first time and said “Hey I’m Zarreen. Do you want to join salsa with me?” “Er, didi, I have my board exams this year. Maybe next yr” Never seen him since!

So one fine day i gave up and my friend and i are sitting around discussing our useless jobs (jobs per se may be fine but we both want to marry someone filthy rich and live off their money and would never like to work again) and he suddenly says “hey I’m really bored in life. Do you want to join salsa?” Could not stop smiling!

So us studly salsa dancers walked into class………class being literally a class!!! The dance classes aren't held in a studio, they were held in the class 6 classroom of one the schools here, no mirrors, no air conditioners and the works of a scary room to be in......including a blackboard and a bulletin board with the time table. Makings of the start of a nightmare for anyone

So 2 months into the thing and every single myth about me being this awesome dancer vanishes. My partner of course becomes the star performer and is at the receiving end of a lot of instructor attention (coz he's so good) and i'm the end of a lot of sighs and groans when we dance

You see the system is like this. You stand in a circle, complete the 2 mins step and change partners. And the expressions on people's faces are amazing. They'll be all perked up and dancing happily and as soon as i reach them, there's this sudden dead pan expression. The nicer ones smile and say hello and then look away pretending to help out a retard and the nasty onces keep screaming that you're stepping on their toe.

Unfortunately there's this bit when you have to dance with the instructor. And my instructor after 4 months of trying very hard gave up on me, quite fairly i admit. Now when it's my turn to dance with him, he just rolls his eyes, tries to make me twirl and i usually lose balance and go flying across the room. "Smaller steps! Smaller steps!" Dammit! Dancing with him is the worst part of my class...... i palpitate. I am so nervous i could eat my arm or cry and it's like the world has stopped dancing and all eyes are on me........ a living nightmare of 2.5 mins in a 1 hr class!

And the instructor's "good" is like saroj khan ki seeti. The person he says it to is elated for days if not weeks at the end.........and it's the hot topic of discussion after class. "He said good" "He said i was dancing well" and I'd share anecdotes of "Er, he said you're going all over the floor. You'll never have so much place to dance. Smaller steps smaller steps"

So anyway, finally last class, i started off in the circle and when i reached the instructor i broke my shoe! Ouch! He took a deep breath like he always did at my sight and i started dancin barefoot with my eyes shut. And when i opened my eyes he gave me a big thumbs up and a big grin. "Wonderful! Excellent! Oh I'm so happy" And i pranced about and he passed me on to my next partner with a big smile and i went leaping across the room!

Yup, I too got saroj khan ki seeti! :) And guess who's dancing barefoot everytime now! :)

Ok dunno why i blogged on that but i'm still high on finally being able to salsa!!!!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Rang De Basanti at the Oscars...

Really really a cool movie after a long time...... as in a real youth movie (though i technicially don't qualify as youth as per my company's target definition) but i thought it was a good one after dil chahta hai....
DCH of course was it's own league, something u identify with ......this one a bit more dramatic but still so real, still so so cool!
What i like the most about the movie is not the story, not the patriotism (though all of that is nice and all), it's actually the realness of characters! Like u look at that characters and that's just so what ur friends would say, or what your friends would do, or just what your friends would wear!
And it's beautiful how everyone has a distinct character....the typical cool guy (someone each of us wud know) with the dark glasses and torn jacket, the funny guy who'll wear these bright coloured T shirts and have this silly smile on all the time, the serious guy, the mad girl who hangs out with the guys...... I luv the way each one of them have been just so brought to life....... maybe it's the script, maybe it's the casting, maybe it's the acting......They all look so real! In fact, at the risk of saying this, aamir khan's character was actually the most commercial ....... think the others were so down to earth and real that he was quite lost in it all....
Here are a couple of scenes I really loved...
- the closing scene when they just appear in the field and are walking off laughing....
- the scene in the song where aamir khan is thrown off by the giant and everyone jumps in to beat up the giant
- and the amazing india gate scene! That was just about the best shot scene ever!!
I'm not saying rang de basanti shud win the oscar or shudn't, but it was just a really, really good watch........

Friday, September 22, 2006


Quite feel like this today.......

"When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse......"
Cold Play, Fix You

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I wish....

I wish...

....That i could actually wake up in the morning feeling that my sleep is satiated
....That i could sink into a warm, aromatic bath on a cold winter day and have a gallery of nice smelling shower gels to choose from
....That all i would need to do is run a brush through my hair and it would come out looking like a fresh blow dry
....That i could work at my convenience, 3 days a week, 4 hours a day and get paid like the CEO of a multi national!
....That i could drive around in the poshest car and never have to worry about parking
....That the radio would only play music i like minus any adverts, minus any RJs
....That i could sock my annoying colleagues everytime they got on my nerves without losing my job
...That i could turn in submissions much before deadlines and yet not die in the process
...That i could be served creamy pasta for lunch everyday topped with a chocolate cake and ice cream dessert without ever putting on weight!
....That i could open my cupboard and find a trunk full of unread archies
....That i could walk into any branded clothes outlet and fit into their smallest size
...That i could travel the world with a whole bunch of i guess i wish all my friends would get as much leave as me and we'd have pots of money
....That i could have this lovely, caring boyfriend, who's a die hard romantic, makes interesting conversation, is hot hot hot and can disappear when i want to spend time with my friends
....That i could sit by the beach and watch the sunset with someone strumming the guitar in the background

Sunday, September 03, 2006


So how do u start ur day? Bed tea? The newspaper? How many of us wake up and put on some music? Am assuming a lot of us....and it's the type of music we listen to that defines our day!
I don't quite have the luxury to reach out for the CD system and choose my music every morning (either i don't have the luxury or i'm plain lazy ), so i simply start my day by turning on the radio! And i mean the 102.6 types since that's the only one which plays good english music in the morning.....Can't imagine starting my day with kaala chashma!
To me, the perfect start to a day is when i wake up to music i luv so much, that i sing out loud with toothpaste in my mouth, or when I do a little dance while ironing my clothes, or when i sit in my car and don't mind the 1 hour drive to gurgaon, or when i can leave the wheel to air guitar while driving (and most of us who air guitar haven't touched a guitar in our life!)
You know the music is good when you're on your way to work and you're late yet u drive slowly and stay in the slowest moving lane just so that you can finish your favourite song..... or when you've had a horrid day and are dying to get home and sink into bed with the remote, if they decide to play U2, u decide to not turn into your lane and decide to take a round of the colony instead!
Music does so much to takes u back in time when u'd heard the song with someone..or makes u laugh coz u remember someone singing the same song off tune..... or simply tranfers u mentally to the dance floor of some club u'd visited...
And no matter how hammered you get at work, if you've started ur day with music, you know that while ur boss is screaming his head off, u're still silently singing and dancing in your head to "That thing u do"