Friday, January 26, 2007


Bold subject? In its own ways….But no…this is not a post on such interesting subjects (I know what you’re thinking…naughty naughty)….rather it’s on the certain things friends subject you to when they’re drunk …. Friends, henceforth, referred to, as Hic-kies in this post

1. You receive smses like this “Zm tak car mad horn non get yiel room”. After you employ the services of your smarter counterparts in interpreting that sms, you realize what you thought was “My car horn’s gone mad…not getting to my room” (whatever that means)... you realize what it actually says is “You take care of your mom get well soon”.

2. They call you up on ISD and sing versions never heard of, of songs which you swore by and after their version, swear by to never listen to again! You also get calls at the end of the month saying “What the hell…these telephone companies are billing me gigantic amounts for some reason. I’m going to sue them”. Stop serenading all the way from across continents and I assure you telephone companies will be kind

3. You’re way past your deadline, already in a car which is huffing and puffing to touch a 20km/hr speed and the Hic-kie in the passenger seat decides to pull up the handbrake every time u accelerate!! The result… no pick ups for the Hic-kie in passenger seat in the future, hoarse voices from shouting and then laughing at the Hic-kie and of course you get grounded for a month!

4. Some Hic-kies decide to think of their exes and weep just at the time when you have taken a break from thinking of your ex as an *&*^% (family blog…..errr…ok not quite)…and are actually missing him too! What follows is a series of howling and the only person who smiles through this episode is the bar owner as the Hic-kies drive up the bill!

5. Some Hic-kies also start seeing things and go to the extent of saying “Shit man, you’re actually looking good” and before you can pat your hair and break out into a modest smile they top it up with “Shit man, I must be really drunk”

So next time you’re a Hic-kie….what the heck! Encore! It’s really entertaining!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007 mate

(101 reasons why I can't marry....assuming someone is willing to of course!)

Today my maid’s leave coincided with mine. So I couldn't feign exhaustion from office as I do usually at times like these and had to help out mum in the kitchen. While she did most of the cooking and cleaning, I shadily thought I’m contributing by pushing the dishes into the micro and pressing the 2 min button. That's when I realised I'm so not ready to get married

For starters I cannot run a house!!! I have no clue as to when bills are paid in my house, when bulbs are changed or when the maids come and go. I didn't even know the geyser didn't work in the kitchen till I got a frost bite trying to wash the utensils today

I can't cook. To put things in perspective, my friends are expert cooks. They can put together a 5 course meal within mins and have people smacking their fingers for more. I, on the other hand, still need to read the instructions on the back of a Maggi pack. (The font has decreased and it’s given in one corner now coz they believe the world knows it and doesn’t refer to it but I do I do! Feedback for you Nestle people!)

I can't keep the house clean. My room's a dumpyard of dusty books I've never read, dried up pens, floppies (remember those?), single socks, old bedcovers, broken chairs and a carpet where my dog eats his food. (My cupboard stays locked so I'm not even going to try and describe that!)

And then of course....there's the babies angle!! (I want to shoot myself for even thinking of this but check out the event below)

Couple of weeks back went with this couple friend to see another couple friend's new born (couple couple couple!!). I’m looking down at this bundle on the bed and I’m thinking is the mum ever going to catch a good night sleep again.... when the other girl with me says “Oh I wish I had one!” What? Are people around me seriously thinking of having babies? Like looking after babies day in and day out? I mean I have the most adorable 2 yr old niece in the whole wide world…the sunshine of my entire family including mine……but I still break out into a sweat if my sister asks me to babysit her for too long!

And with these thoughts fresh in my mind, one of them says "You know I'm going to be 26...time to have a family" and then they all turn to look at the only single person in the room, me, and say with deep concern "Zee, aren't you planning to get married?" "" "Then when will you have babies?" Oooh boy!!

You know, so many movies have this romantic scene where the guy looks into the woman’s eyes and says “I want to be the father of your child”…..I wonder how the audience would take it if the woman would say “oh shittttttttt.......I don't want a child right me 4 yrs from now..."

And to top it all, that same evening, one of my friends was practicing her numerology on me and says your numbers mean u have very "masculine energy"...which she said meant I was a tomboy (not a nice thing to say to a 26 yr old!) .

I was deeply offended by this masculine energy bit. My mum says I have no energy at all. She think I’m going to turn into a patta gobi anyday the amount I vegetate. I have this amazing ability to stare into space for hours and think of nothing at all. I’m not too sure what this says about me but….

Not the point. The point is I don't want to get married. In fact I don't even want my friends to get married cause they turn into these things that think you're psycho for not wanting to get married. And then spend their life tsking at your sad life (which btw, is not so sad after all you know)

I think my brain's are my blogs.....

Monday, January 15, 2007

Cause You're There For Me Too.......

Happy New Year!!!

Writer's block. Subject block. Brain block. Hence no post for so long. So in case this post sucks (and I have a strong feeling it will), please excuse the rusted pen....errr....keyboard

So very little social life this year (ok I promised a friend to clarify that it's not true and I do actually have a social life coz someone is always sweet enough to allow me to tag along with them on saturday nights) but since the beginning of the year I haven't got to do much.

But that's not the point. To get myself back into the writing mode which some mad friends of mine insisted I do (personally think it's cause they get a nice hearty laugh by laughing at my miserable life) have decided to blog on just that.....the mad mad friends we have!

I've learnt...

1. Friends always make sure they don't notice the haircut you've spent a bomb on (Achha kuch karaya hai?)
2. And always make fun of your fashion sense (That's a t shirt? It looks like a confused choli)
3. Friends die of shock when you tell them hot boy said you're cute (You??? Did he say this before or after you sported that pimple?)
4. Friends spend half their lives trying to get your surname right (Your surname sounds like iIm gargling zee....insults insults!)
5. Friends spend a major part of their lives inducting you to the world of abuses and then pretend to be shocked when you use it (You're not such a young conservative muslim girl after all....)
6. Friends never let you forget the mistakes you've made (You actually dated that loser?)
7. Friends indulge you with the yummiest homemade chocolate desserts cause they know that's the way to cheer you up
8. Friends turn up at the doorway with a 1 kg bag of chocolates which give you tons of happiness (tons of pimples and tons of weight)
9. Friends come up with bright ass ideas to have ice cream in peak winters and convince you to do the same
10. Friends cover you with a blanket when you're curled up on the train berth
11. Friends always have a story worse than yours, a love life worse than yours, a problem worse than yours or so they make you believe when you start to feel low
12. Friends download the coolest music and pass it on to you without you even asking
13. And friends also have this uncanny way of knowing exactly what you want them to say when you're down and out, exactly when you need a hug, when you need a pat, when you need a laugh, when you want to be alone....

And you love each and every one of them despite all their quirky, mad ways!

Here's to my bunch!

Ps- is it normal for a 26 year old to get zits at the drop of a hat???