Scene: Art of Living Class
Mood: Philosophical
Teacher: (Spiritually) "So, when did you come into this world?"
Me: (Idiotically)"Ummm...20 years ago. " Pause. "No wait, 27 years ago." Pause Pause. "No hang on. 29 years ago. Shit."
Yup....being 29 is now hitting me....sigh....
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Sita Haran?
The last time I co-wrote a play was in final year B-school....and it was a complete random mish-mash of devdas-elton john being gay- saddam hussein - salman khan shooting the black buck- you get the picture!
Today in office, as part of the diwali celebrations, we needed to do a spoof/witty take on a given situation- and our situation was the Sita Haran.
So I got co-writing again. And I can't believe how much I enjoy writing these kind of things...how totally random they are...and how they don't even make me laugh after a third read!
Here's the gist of the story.... (Truly for hindi speaking, bollywood types only!)
Sita, Ram and Lakshman are in the jungle and have been sent for the filming of Iss Jungle se mujhe bachao.
Ram is given a task which he tosses Lakshman for but since Lakshman has the lucky coin from Sholay, Ram has to unwillingly go to the jungle. 2 mins later he is heard "Iss jungle se mujhe bachao" and Lakshman decides to go to his rescue. But before he leaves, Sita pleads him not to go because she's scared of cockroaches. Lakshman then draws the 'lakshman rekha' to keep the cockroaches away.
Through a wild card entry, enter twin sister Gita and Sanjeev Kumar singing Hawa ke saath saath. Sita and Gita meet and Sita offers to make tea. As she walks away Gita tells her to make the water is pure....because Gita trusts 'wonly Kent' (True hema malini style!)
In the mean while, enter Quick Gun Ravan who's ho-ho-ho gets Gita confused whether it's Santa Claus or Ravan. Ravan is here to kidnap Sita but is confused by Gita. He decides to take Gita nevertheless. Sanjeev Kumar of course fights in vain because Gabbar has cut his arms off. So in true Tamil movie style there's a fight scene with just the rolling of the hips and Ravan takes it all. So heabd ucts Gita and off they go..
Now seriously, we ran out of ideas for the ending and I don't expect you to come up with it. But if you do, then keep it to yourselves. Cause posting it would mean you're even more arbit than I am!
Today in office, as part of the diwali celebrations, we needed to do a spoof/witty take on a given situation- and our situation was the Sita Haran.
So I got co-writing again. And I can't believe how much I enjoy writing these kind of things...how totally random they are...and how they don't even make me laugh after a third read!
Here's the gist of the story.... (Truly for hindi speaking, bollywood types only!)
Sita, Ram and Lakshman are in the jungle and have been sent for the filming of Iss Jungle se mujhe bachao.
Ram is given a task which he tosses Lakshman for but since Lakshman has the lucky coin from Sholay, Ram has to unwillingly go to the jungle. 2 mins later he is heard "Iss jungle se mujhe bachao" and Lakshman decides to go to his rescue. But before he leaves, Sita pleads him not to go because she's scared of cockroaches. Lakshman then draws the 'lakshman rekha' to keep the cockroaches away.
Through a wild card entry, enter twin sister Gita and Sanjeev Kumar singing Hawa ke saath saath. Sita and Gita meet and Sita offers to make tea. As she walks away Gita tells her to make the water is pure....because Gita trusts 'wonly Kent' (True hema malini style!)
In the mean while, enter Quick Gun Ravan who's ho-ho-ho gets Gita confused whether it's Santa Claus or Ravan. Ravan is here to kidnap Sita but is confused by Gita. He decides to take Gita nevertheless. Sanjeev Kumar of course fights in vain because Gabbar has cut his arms off. So in true Tamil movie style there's a fight scene with just the rolling of the hips and Ravan takes it all. So heabd ucts Gita and off they go..
Now seriously, we ran out of ideas for the ending and I don't expect you to come up with it. But if you do, then keep it to yourselves. Cause posting it would mean you're even more arbit than I am!
Thursday, October 01, 2009
More Random Thoughts
Why I call this more random thoughts is because I've come up with random thoughts earlier as well....always....but these ones are seriously, seriously random. Like injurious to health type random. And that's cause I'm writing them after having driven on the worst roads in Delhi and think my brain fell into some pothole or something!
Before I start off with my own random thoughts, you guys have to read the most absolutely psychotic attempt at philosophy written by _____[{am not mentioning the name lest this shows up in an SEO result- (Do you not know what SEO means? Does that qualify you as internet illiterate? Get with it!)}- check out how I use various types of brackets- kind of reminds me of BODMAS from Math!!!- random thought #1 maybe?]. Anyway, it opens with something like this guy has had 25000 thoughts till date and has released a series of books on his thoughts. I'm pretty sure on an average any normal human being gets at least double the thoughts in a day! Then I wonder what gave this gentleman the right to publish his?
The answer my friends is humour value! Unintentional indeed! Some of them go like this
- If legs could rotate, wheels would not have been invented (Are you serious?)
- Have you noticed how few trees have flower but most have leaves?
- Life is more about depth than height
So anyway, inspired I start a series of seriously random thoughts myself....or just thoughts which have been crossing my mind of late!
Random thought # 2
(For random thought #1 refer above to random mention of BODMAS and significance of types of brackets)
I love hair wash day. I love early morning meetings on hair wash day. Because I can almost see my colleagues' jaw dropping in the transformation that happens from min 1 to min 7 of the meeting.
Min 1: Hair is wet. It looks poised and demure and settles around neatly on my head.
Min 2: The outer layer is drying up and begins the get a touch of fluffiness
Min 3: The inner layer is drying up and getting fluffy.
Min 4: It's all drying up and beginning to balloon up- like a nest!
Min 5: The next expands in size. Are there some birdies in there?
Min 6: Wo! The big bang is happening right in front of their eyes! The nest has been gobbled up and there's this massive bee hive resting on zee's head!
Min 7: Meeting adjourned because people need to get past the trauma of seeing my hair transform from delicate duckling to giant porcupine.
In Bombay, the transformation takes precisely 2.5 seconds.
Random thought #3
SMS: Did you get the baby elephant I sent you?
Surprised? These types of smses are perfectly normal for me. Of course I've received the baby elephant. In fact I've placed him right next to my ducks and horses on my farm! Am I rich? Yes I am. A 100,000 gold coins mind you. On Farmville. On Facebook.
I'm totally addicted to the game. I look forward to weekends so that I can plant the pretty blueberries and make more money. I talk less to my boyfriend because I need to concentrate on where to place my trees. I leave parties early (whenever I'm invited to them!) so that my crops don't die by the time I get home. I spend time daydreaming of the rearrangements I'll make on my farm to make it pretty.
Let's face it. It rocks! Get onto it!
Random Thought #4
I hate agency presentations I'm responsible for. In all my attempt to be encouraging with the agency, I keep nodding my head at every word. Today at the end of the 2 hour long presentation I could almost see my head popping out of its socket and roll across the floor. I think I need a spondalitis check up! (Head popping out of its socket? How gross am I!)
Random thought #5
Khatron ke khiladi level 2 rocks! Nauheed Cyrusi was super! I could never participate in fear factor. So is my fear to be on fear factor? Hmmmm...
Random thought #6
I have successfully lost 5 kilos! And put back on 2. But it's still one of the biggest losses since my chicken pox days- class 9. Yipieeeeeeee!
Seriously. The thoughts are getting shorter. And you're wasting your life reading them.
Till next time.
Before I start off with my own random thoughts, you guys have to read the most absolutely psychotic attempt at philosophy written by _____[{am not mentioning the name lest this shows up in an SEO result- (Do you not know what SEO means? Does that qualify you as internet illiterate? Get with it!)}- check out how I use various types of brackets- kind of reminds me of BODMAS from Math!!!- random thought #1 maybe?]. Anyway, it opens with something like this guy has had 25000 thoughts till date and has released a series of books on his thoughts. I'm pretty sure on an average any normal human being gets at least double the thoughts in a day! Then I wonder what gave this gentleman the right to publish his?
The answer my friends is humour value! Unintentional indeed! Some of them go like this
- If legs could rotate, wheels would not have been invented (Are you serious?)
- Have you noticed how few trees have flower but most have leaves?
- Life is more about depth than height
So anyway, inspired I start a series of seriously random thoughts myself....or just thoughts which have been crossing my mind of late!
Random thought # 2
(For random thought #1 refer above to random mention of BODMAS and significance of types of brackets)
I love hair wash day. I love early morning meetings on hair wash day. Because I can almost see my colleagues' jaw dropping in the transformation that happens from min 1 to min 7 of the meeting.
Min 1: Hair is wet. It looks poised and demure and settles around neatly on my head.
Min 2: The outer layer is drying up and begins the get a touch of fluffiness
Min 3: The inner layer is drying up and getting fluffy.
Min 4: It's all drying up and beginning to balloon up- like a nest!
Min 5: The next expands in size. Are there some birdies in there?
Min 6: Wo! The big bang is happening right in front of their eyes! The nest has been gobbled up and there's this massive bee hive resting on zee's head!
Min 7: Meeting adjourned because people need to get past the trauma of seeing my hair transform from delicate duckling to giant porcupine.
In Bombay, the transformation takes precisely 2.5 seconds.
Random thought #3
SMS: Did you get the baby elephant I sent you?
Surprised? These types of smses are perfectly normal for me. Of course I've received the baby elephant. In fact I've placed him right next to my ducks and horses on my farm! Am I rich? Yes I am. A 100,000 gold coins mind you. On Farmville. On Facebook.
I'm totally addicted to the game. I look forward to weekends so that I can plant the pretty blueberries and make more money. I talk less to my boyfriend because I need to concentrate on where to place my trees. I leave parties early (whenever I'm invited to them!) so that my crops don't die by the time I get home. I spend time daydreaming of the rearrangements I'll make on my farm to make it pretty.
Let's face it. It rocks! Get onto it!
Random Thought #4
I hate agency presentations I'm responsible for. In all my attempt to be encouraging with the agency, I keep nodding my head at every word. Today at the end of the 2 hour long presentation I could almost see my head popping out of its socket and roll across the floor. I think I need a spondalitis check up! (Head popping out of its socket? How gross am I!)
Random thought #5
Khatron ke khiladi level 2 rocks! Nauheed Cyrusi was super! I could never participate in fear factor. So is my fear to be on fear factor? Hmmmm...
Random thought #6
I have successfully lost 5 kilos! And put back on 2. But it's still one of the biggest losses since my chicken pox days- class 9. Yipieeeeeeee!
Seriously. The thoughts are getting shorter. And you're wasting your life reading them.
Till next time.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
My last year in the twenties
....Starts tomorrow.
But Ha! I don't feel old at all! :)
Ok I do.... :(
No I don't....!
Ok I do..... :(
What the hell I don't!
It's going to be a rocking year! If only alternate Saturdays weren't working....
But Ha! I don't feel old at all! :)
Ok I do.... :(
No I don't....!
Ok I do..... :(
What the hell I don't!
It's going to be a rocking year! If only alternate Saturdays weren't working....
Sunday, August 30, 2009
The Hazards of Ordering a Movie
Just called up the movie rental guy and said "Bhaiyya, Aapke paas life partner hai?"
Hmm...I hope he doesn't think I'm hitting on him!
Hmm...I hope he doesn't think I'm hitting on him!
Saturday, August 01, 2009
Illiterate
So have just got out of a branding workshop….feeling rather disillusioned and silly.
We had a pre assignment to write a synopsis of stories that have inspired us- books we’ve read or movies we’ve seen. And here are some of the stories people played back- Fountainhead, Mahabharata, Gladiator and the Notebook. And here’s a confession. I haven’ read/seen any! (I have seen Mahabharata on TV though…but nothing anyone was talking about sounded familiar).
We also discussed James Bond and Romeo and Juliet. And guess what. I haven’t ever seen a James Bond movie and didn’t know Romeo died before Juliet did. (Seriously, how did that happen?)
My story summary was about ‘Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy’! I couldn’t think of any other that has left a lasting impact on my mind. Thankfully I wasn’t called on to narrate what I’d written. It started with “Arthur is this loser-like English man….” quite contrary to the other stories that started with “This is a story about bravery and courage!” Am I intellectually challenged?
The answer is yes. Here’s a piece to prove it!
The conference is taking place at a five star hotel. And here’s my second confession- I don’t remember the last time I stayed in one! Oh wait! I do remember. Never!
So I of course know what a swipe card key is. Except that I’m unable to swipe despite 3 attempts. My exasperated boss who wants to leave her luggage in my room helps. Then I don’t know how to take a plate out of some glass closet in the dining hall. And to top it all, apparently the locks in the loos are so fancy that I don’t know which way to turn them. My boss almost walked in. I was so embarrassed I was planning to spend the rest of my life inside the loo after that incident!
Having embarrassed myself enough for the day, have returned to my room and can safely say I spent the first 10 mins in pitch darkness- not out of choice. But decause in such a savvy hotel I expected to fit my card in some fancy slot to turn on the electricity….but they still have switches to do the needful. Ah!
Now I know what Tarzan felt like when he went to the city….
We had a pre assignment to write a synopsis of stories that have inspired us- books we’ve read or movies we’ve seen. And here are some of the stories people played back- Fountainhead, Mahabharata, Gladiator and the Notebook. And here’s a confession. I haven’ read/seen any! (I have seen Mahabharata on TV though…but nothing anyone was talking about sounded familiar).
We also discussed James Bond and Romeo and Juliet. And guess what. I haven’t ever seen a James Bond movie and didn’t know Romeo died before Juliet did. (Seriously, how did that happen?)
My story summary was about ‘Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy’! I couldn’t think of any other that has left a lasting impact on my mind. Thankfully I wasn’t called on to narrate what I’d written. It started with “Arthur is this loser-like English man….” quite contrary to the other stories that started with “This is a story about bravery and courage!” Am I intellectually challenged?
The answer is yes. Here’s a piece to prove it!
The conference is taking place at a five star hotel. And here’s my second confession- I don’t remember the last time I stayed in one! Oh wait! I do remember. Never!
So I of course know what a swipe card key is. Except that I’m unable to swipe despite 3 attempts. My exasperated boss who wants to leave her luggage in my room helps. Then I don’t know how to take a plate out of some glass closet in the dining hall. And to top it all, apparently the locks in the loos are so fancy that I don’t know which way to turn them. My boss almost walked in. I was so embarrassed I was planning to spend the rest of my life inside the loo after that incident!
Having embarrassed myself enough for the day, have returned to my room and can safely say I spent the first 10 mins in pitch darkness- not out of choice. But decause in such a savvy hotel I expected to fit my card in some fancy slot to turn on the electricity….but they still have switches to do the needful. Ah!
Now I know what Tarzan felt like when he went to the city….
Monday, July 27, 2009
It's pouring!
And I'm sitting in my office with mixed feelings....one of complete joy- I love the rains! And two because there'll be a massive jam on the roads.....and it's a long drive home...sigh....
Looking out of the office windows now....there are two women walking on the terrace of their homes getting drenched....I wish I were them....and didn't have to work on this goddamn ppt!
Looking out of the office windows now....there are two women walking on the terrace of their homes getting drenched....I wish I were them....and didn't have to work on this goddamn ppt!
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