Saturday, May 10, 2008

Make Way for the Queen!

The much overdue post!

Karmic Madan has returned from the "high"land- Amsterdam- and is now a changed man. He loves India..... finally.......calls dilapidated chawls in Bombay Parisian beauties, almost hugs cabbies who give him directions and has told me I was a maharani in my previous life! I always knew it! The love for laziness, the love for comfort, the love for snobbery....I'm so cut out to be a princess! Though honestly I think it's the long Cleopatra nose that gave it away but whatever the signs were, at least now there're 2 people who believe I'm royal. (For all smart alecs who want to now say that they already thought I was a royal....... are all royal pains yourselves! Hmph! Yup, need to definitely disable anonymous comments for this one!)

There's so much to write about for a change....which means I make a mess of the post but am going to start anyway....

Ok, so first things first. Let the sympathies roll in. I'm recovering from a bad sprain in the back. The strain of a sprain is really quite a bothersome pain! (And the rain in Spain is mainly in the plains but that is sheer poetry!). Am much better now thank you!

Now for the meat of the post. Jokey Kumar got hitched. Highlights follow...

- Lost on Mumbai roads: Karmic Madan, Vestige Blackberry Dhar and Zee, the three non Mumbaites decide to borrow Alkesh (our friend's proudly named car) to reach a place 5 mins away. In the process....

  • .....we jump a red light and were hailed by a cop. Foreign returned Madan for some reason found this extremely exciting, given that he hasn't been challaaned by an Indian cop in a while and has obviously missed it! So he got off the car and greeted the cop with an enthusiastic "Hello Sir!!"...much in a star struck tone as I would use if I were to meet Shah Rukh Khan. The fully shocked cop decided to dismiss this strange bunch of people after a Rs 100 fine only to hear Madan say fondly, "I love Indian cops. See, he's so honest. No bribe also!"

  • ....then we lost the way! After many cabbies had a hearty laugh at us, we circled the same roads billions of times and drove past all the slums in Mumbai, we met Mr Nice Cabbie who not only showed us the way but also stopped when he was going his way and gave us simple, straightforward directions to where we were headed. Karmic Madan thanked this gentleman profusely (almost touched his feet!!)...rolled up his window, and started driving only to say, "The issue is, I was so overwhelmed by his kindness, I didn't hear a word of the directions he gave us!" Hence a 5 mins drive ended in a 45 drive around Prabhadevi!

  • ....we dropped beanpole at a shop to buy felt pens and decided to take a drive around the corner as stopping wasn't allowed, lost the way and then forgot where we'd dropped off beanpole in the first place!

- Performers we're not: We were tricked into a performance by the groom's family at the sangeet. We spent so much time preparing props for the play that we had no time to figure out the script and so when the group was 2 drinks down we stood in the lobby of the venue and discussed who was to do what. What ensued was the most disastrous performance in the history of performances and polite relatives came and said they wanted a repeat. Hmm....maybe they weren't so polite after all and were laughing at us! Hmph Hmph!

- Rockstar Zee: After the much disastrous performance, I decide to drown my sorrows in a sea of Billo Rani and other bollywood numbers and hit the dancefloor for a couple of hours. The groom's mum on her way out says "Zee, Beta, you're a rockstar!" Yes, it was a comment which would've made my evening but when I caught my reflection in the mirror, I realised it was not due to my dancing skills but rather my hair- a cross between rockstar Lenny Kravitz and Jim Morrison having a bad bad baaaaaaaaaad hair day! Head and Shoulders anti dandruff shampoo works on the Centershock principle!

- The Tulled out groom: We got the groom drunk. This is a man who staggers when you give him one small vodka. 3 shots were downed that day. He touched the feet of every 20 yr old who entered the venue, was caught trying to walk a straight line by many elderly, glaring relatives and spent a good 2 hours predicting everyone's future. For some strange reason he only commented on my past!!! Hmmm....

- Shiny disco, disco, disco...: At the wedding, I took the sole responsibility of providing lighting in the hall. My bright (an understatement), sequined sari earned me my nickname for life - shiny disco ball- and had people scurrying for their dark glasses everytime I neared them. LC decided to turn off the flash in her camera. Smart decision.

- Pheras, phinally! The 2:30am pheras saw a bunch of extremely sleepy people seated in a corner holding marigold flowers placing bets on who would get the groom's nose. We were too sleepy to figure out who won.

I would blog more but my dinner beckons. Not before I tell you how I spilled an entire bottle of water on my laptop in office! The result of this was a non working B key (the water made a B-line for the B!!!) and I realised how little we use the alphabet B unless it's to hurl abuses at someone- in hindi or english.....try it!


Daroga said...

accha.... to shaadi karwaane mein busy thi aap itne din !!!

I can understand Madan's reactions and would probably react the same (or may be a little less) way.

aur Zee.... dance-wance... wah wah.
wah wah :)

JollyRoger said...

Ha ha ha! U could have put up a few pics! : (

Anonymous said...

The one-liners runneth over...!!
ur on a roll huh???
and u were writing this in office yesterday!! this is y u so stay back late!!! tsk tsk!
love u!

mathew said...

Lol!! see what a visit to the "coffee shop" in amsterdam make people change!!;-D

Billo rani..ROTFL!!..would have loved to see the snaps..

black coffee said...

lol! rockstar?? rofl!
and the sari? what colour was it other than being shiny??

that was hilarious!
you hav a knack for throwing things on the laptop.. forgiv my extremely large memory for storing silly stuff but i guess sometime back you spilled somthing that made your V key stop working!
(apalled at my own memory!!) :O

Billo Rani? seriously! must hav been some night?!

Pointblank said...

Funny, nice post!

And about the abuses part, dont even get me started! :)

geet said...

you have an amazing sense of humor... if you dont know yet :)

lol i read this post twice... and am stil laughing.

thanks :)

you do rock lol

Still Searching said...

Hahaha!! Damn, looking at the snaps and now reading your blog, am missing all of you guys!!!

Strider said...

Nice post! :)

Arpz said...

whoa whoa whoa! a nice adventurous outing there, I see :)

Anshul said...

I protest!
no mention of my good massage, my sexy car (which picked and dropped so many!!) or me staying totally off drinks or my total behavior of not hitting at you or anyone else...
sigh no one loves a reformed me... maybe I should go back to my drinking and flirting

usha said...

that was some fun post, eh?

wud've luvd to see a pic of urs in that 'disco ball' saree! :)

gunj said...

boy that was a funny post!
im like rolling on d floor louffin harddd :D

gunj said...

luuurrvvedd ur about me!! :D

Zee said... wance at weddings is a real wah wah! me...writing about it is bad enough!

LC....i am a roll!! snaps of billo rani thankfully!

black coffee....i think the coffee is doing the memory good. yes i do have a knack for knocking things over...knick knack...

pointblank...go for it!

geet....u wud've been hysterical had u seen my hair!

searching....we missed u toooooooooooo!!!!!!!


arpz...adventure is in thy blood!

anshul....u weren't drinking??? really?????

usha...totally agree! north indian weddings rock!!!

gunj...about me is straight from the heart!! and thanks for laughing at my post and not my hair!

Anshul said...

see this is what I meant from being ignored.
I am cutting you out.

Candid Confessions said...

Wow, how fun with the wedding around!!

CM-Chap said...

Ha Ha.... Funny.

ROFL on ur tag of "Rockstar".

CM-Chap said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nisha said...

man how do u do it..make everything funny so easily!
and yeah...i like the nick name..shiny disco!

Rahul... in the city of Dreamz said...

:) he he he.. and so madam was in my city and i dont even get to know :)

loved it.. and i actually agree on the B word thing..

btw... can help but imagine you dancing on Billo Rani.. with the kind of imagination i possess.. and the kind of writing you do about ourself.. trust me you would'nt wanna know :)

Refreshing ho Tussi! :)

Zee said...

shool....matlab ki tum sara time toh glass ke saath ghoom rahe thhe...i assumed it was alcohol!!!

candid...yes weddings are awesome!

cm....funny is it? rockstar is not funny at all!

nisha...hmmm....u can have it then...

rahul...what imagination? fat beach ball dancing around? hmph hmph!

arshat.chaudhary said...

heheheheh ROTFL.. tht was funny... nice blog u hav here! :)

CM-Chap said...

Yup Rocksatr is not funny.. but the tag being given to you.. ha ha

Aiswarya said...

"The issue is, I was so overwhelmed by his kindness, I didn't hear a word of the directions he gave us!"... Madan , I am with you on this one. It happens to me when I am in India.. (:o)

Billo Rani... Damn zee, the photos are around and you know it!! Load them up!!!!!!!!1

nutty said...

LOL!!!! Though I did get a first hand account of the "performance" your post was hilarious (as usual) :)

And I'm reaaaaaallllllllly sorry .. please don't hate me!! was in Delhi and I even asked Vestige Blackberry Dhar to meet up so I cud see u n Septik .... but he was super-busy (as usual) and I forgot to take your no from him :(

rebel said...

I start posting again :)
pls check..

PS: Dance shance eh? Photo shoto??

CrazyDiamond said...

I know a madan guy who would do the exact samething...Come to think of it, he's working in Amsterdam - could be the same.
Sigh...don't you just hate it when the world gets small.

unforgiven said...

Right. Looks like you had fun;
oh so did the water apparently.

That was a sign from the God of all things cyber, don't use your computer for bad things! ;)

IR said...

shiny disco ? !!!!! funny as usual

CM-Chap said...

Long time... No Post

APOO said...

Time for another overdue post?

Daroga said...

u have been tagged :)

nasia said...