Make Way for the Queen!

The much overdue post!

Karmic Madan has returned from the "high"land- Amsterdam- and is now a changed man. He loves India..... finally.......calls dilapidated chawls in Bombay Parisian beauties, almost hugs cabbies who give him directions and has told me I was a maharani in my previous life! I always knew it! The love for laziness, the love for comfort, the love for snobbery....I'm so cut out to be a princess! Though honestly I think it's the long Cleopatra nose that gave it away but whatever the signs were, at least now there're 2 people who believe I'm royal. (For all smart alecs who want to now say that they already thought I was a royal....... pain....you are all royal pains yourselves! Hmph! Yup, need to definitely disable anonymous comments for this one!)

There's so much to write about for a change....which means I make a mess of the post but am going to start anyway....

Ok, so first things first. Let the sympathies roll in. I'm recovering from a bad sprain in the back. The strain of a sprain is really quite a bothersome pain! (And the rain in Spain is mainly in the plains but that is sheer poetry!). Am much better now thank you!

Now for the meat of the post. Jokey Kumar got hitched. Highlights follow...

- Lost on Mumbai roads: Karmic Madan, Vestige Blackberry Dhar and Zee, the three non Mumbaites decide to borrow Alkesh (our friend's proudly named car) to reach a place 5 mins away. In the process....

• .....we jump a red light and were hailed by a cop. Foreign returned Madan for some reason found this extremely exciting, given that he hasn't been challaaned by an Indian cop in a while and has obviously missed it! So he got off the car and greeted the cop with an enthusiastic "Hello Sir!!"...much in a star struck tone as I would use if I were to meet Shah Rukh Khan. The fully shocked cop decided to dismiss this strange bunch of people after a Rs 100 fine only to hear Madan say fondly, "I love Indian cops. See, he's so honest. No bribe also!"

• ....then we lost the way! After many cabbies had a hearty laugh at us, we circled the same roads billions of times and drove past all the slums in Mumbai, we met Mr Nice Cabbie who not only showed us the way but also stopped when he was going his way and gave us simple, straightforward directions to where we were headed. Karmic Madan thanked this gentleman profusely (almost touched his feet!!)...rolled up his window, and started driving only to say, "The issue is, I was so overwhelmed by his kindness, I didn't hear a word of the directions he gave us!" Hence a 5 mins drive ended in a 45 drive around Prabhadevi!

• ....we dropped beanpole at a shop to buy felt pens and decided to take a drive around the corner as stopping wasn't allowed, lost the way and then forgot where we'd dropped off beanpole in the first place!

- Performers we're not: We were tricked into a performance by the groom's family at the sangeet. We spent so much time preparing props for the play that we had no time to figure out the script and so when the group was 2 drinks down we stood in the lobby of the venue and discussed who was to do what. What ensued was the most disastrous performance in the history of performances and polite relatives came and said they wanted a repeat. Hmm....maybe they weren't so polite after all and were laughing at us! Hmph Hmph!

- Rockstar Zee: After the much disastrous performance, I decide to drown my sorrows in a sea of Billo Rani and other bollywood numbers and hit the dancefloor for a couple of hours. The groom's mum on her way out says "Zee, Beta, you're a rockstar!" Yes, it was a comment which would've made my evening but when I caught my reflection in the mirror, I realised it was not due to my dancing skills but rather my hair- a cross between rockstar Lenny Kravitz and Jim Morrison having a bad bad baaaaaaaaaad hair day! Head and Shoulders anti dandruff shampoo works on the Centershock principle!

- The Tulled out groom: We got the groom drunk. This is a man who staggers when you give him one small vodka. 3 shots were downed that day. He touched the feet of every 20 yr old who entered the venue, was caught trying to walk a straight line by many elderly, glaring relatives and spent a good 2 hours predicting everyone's future. For some strange reason he only commented on my past!!! Hmmm....

- Shiny disco, disco, disco...: At the wedding, I took the sole responsibility of providing lighting in the hall. My bright (an understatement), sequined sari earned me my nickname for life - shiny disco ball- and had people scurrying for their dark glasses everytime I neared them. LC decided to turn off the flash in her camera. Smart decision.

- Pheras, phinally! The 2:30am pheras saw a bunch of extremely sleepy people seated in a corner holding marigold flowers placing bets on who would get the groom's nose. We were too sleepy to figure out who won.

I would blog more but my dinner beckons. Not before I tell you how I spilled an entire bottle of water on my laptop in office! The result of this was a non working B key (the water made a B-line for the B!!!) and I realised how little we use the alphabet B unless it's to hurl abuses at someone- in hindi or english.....try it!