Monday, November 03, 2008

Fat or Fiction?.............Fat!!!

The only way I could've returned to blogging would've been thanks to my fat. So it's back with a vengance!!! And this time it's coupled with age! Wowie!!!!!! Lucky me!

Let me start by refreshing your memory of that bright and chirpy morning a few months back when the sun was out and the birds were twittering and I was driving to office. I'd decided to fill petrol that morning and the woman at the station called me ........Aunty! The sun hid its face behind dark, gloomy clouds, the birds flew away in shock and 15 more strands of grey hair immediately plopped out of my scalp! It took me many months to recover from that.

A 115 chocolates later, night before last, we were attending Shool's cocktails. We came across a gentleman who deals in ships. Unable to make any intelligent conversation with him, we started downing wine like nobody's business only to end the conversation with the boy blurting out- "So since you're in the shipping industry, do you know how to swim?". Not quite expecting this, the gentleman took our leave never to see us again. We would've felt rather insulted by this avoidance but having had an entire wineyard by now, we decided to trot off to Turquoise Cottage.

Dressed in ethnic suits full with dupattas draped around us and suit clad boys by our side, we tried to blend in with the jeans, tank top crowd! Only to find the bar closing a few minutes after we'd arrived. How chic are we!

So out we walked and stood outside the complex bidding our good byes when this car came haltingly to the group next to ours. Obviously drunk youth were having a bit of fun...or eve teasing or something. Then they pulled up to us and this guy calls out "Let it be yaar. Yeh toh Family hai!". There was stunned silence followed by hurt laughter. Why oh why had we started looking like such Uncles and Aunties that we didn't get......errr....eve teased? Or whatever!

Now that was the age story. Let's move on to the fat story!

I decided to finally drag myself for a haircut. The last one I had was 6 months ago and my hair hasn't grown more than 2 inches. Not only that, it is now greying and falling like Hansel and Gretal dropped crumbles on the way. You know Zee's been here because she's left a handful of hair on the chair. You know Zee's hugged you because she's left a hundred locks on your shirt. Uncle Sam gets a new wig thanks to the hair Zee left behind on her pillow this morning! You get the picture.....But still a haircut was much needed!

So I trace out my hairdresser and I'm sitting in the chair in front of what looks like a funny mirror given how fat was pouring out of me!
"Hello Ma'am. What do you want to get done?"
"Anything actually. But not too short. I've become fat." Better to say it yourself than people pointing it out!
"Become fat or becoming fat?" He's almost about to congratulate me for some reason. Looks at me expectantly to say something.
" I've become fat. Hopefully not becoming fatter" Puzzle puzzle....
And then the dimbulb lightens up! He thought I'm pregnant! Like OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's it!!! I need to do something about myself....about my life....about my hair...about my clothes....about getting a new hairdresser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS- For whoever sees Shool's wedding pictures, the camera adds 20 pounds ok!


nasia said...

hahaha! is all this true? u r scaring me :)

Daroga said...

c'mon... you are being too hard on yourself.
(although I myself have experienced the effect of losing weight, as little as it may :P)

Arpz said...

youch! similar stuff happened to me too :(

time to get married.

CM-Chap said...

Ha Ha welcome back Zee....

Anytime and any number of time you crib..we love it. Alos it tells me Thankgod for being slim

Bullshee said...

Take a deep breath,close your eyes, do some neck turning like you know yoga, relax and're screwed. There's no way out of it. You will just get older.And older.Till your teeth fall out and no more grow in...

Get down on your knees and pray that getting fatter is just not part of the package!

I'm just a ray of sunshine :-) La la lah lahh...