Friday, October 27, 2006

The longest 10 mins

Eid was announced rather abruptly on Tuesday…..was up till 3am dusting the house (it's like we had our very own sandstorm here ......and i came out looking like a poor santa who's wiggled his way through an unclean chimney!!!). Why it was so abruptly announced was because some idiot in Bihar saw the moon and some wierdo in Bangalore said he's seen the moon so we in Delhi are wondering where the f did the moon lose his way in showing up here!!!

Bro in law still trying to figure why, if eid is based on whether the moon is sighted or not, why the group of maulanas were sitting in a closed room figuring out where the moon is. Step outside you guys and you'll be able to spot it, or not spot it, in the sky! How tough is that!

Wonder what they talk about.....

"So the location of the moon sighted in Bihar is 24X358X226 and in Bangalore is 87X38X556 so given that logic Delhi would've also spotted the moon had we not wasted our time sitting in this closed room" Nah!

They're most probably saying "If we don't announce eid tomorrow we'll have to fast one more day. It's eid tomorrow. Amen!"

Ya so basically they announced it at midnight that it's eid on Tuesday. And lots of people came over. And there was this one point in the evening when I was screamed at for being a recluse and was asked to sit in with the guests who're coming in. So I politely walk into the room and seat myself in a corner.......experting the art of looking entertained by the conversation around me while revising my multiplication tables from class 2!! (Yes I was very bored!)

In the midst of the conversation my mum gets a call and she goes in, leaving me dumbstruck with these guests.

(Time starts now) I look at the floor, start playing with the bells attached to the end of my dupatta, smile at the couple and was glad to see them look as uncomfortable with me. The silence is killing.
Guest: So beta, what are you doing now?
Me: (After being asked this question for 3 years in a row without any change in my answer or expression): I’m working
Guest: Really? Same place?
Me: (Trying to figure out what he meant by that……a. The "really" meant I’m not capable of working? b. "Same place" had a touch of surprise .... Did they think I would be thrown out?) No, I switched jobs
Guest: (Surprise that someone has actually employed me after the mistake my first company made by employing me and pity at the new company) Where?
Me: XYZ
Guest: (Totally blank expression…) Huh?
Me: XYZ??
Guest: Err, what is that?
Me: We make ABC
Guest: (Sudden comprehension) Ohhhhhhhh (Makes a mental note to ever touch the product of the company again) So how are you liking it?
………..Now this is what I want to know! When people ask you, unless they’re your friends, how’s your work coming along, what do you tell them? Shit man! It sucks! I’d rather be a radio jockey but I’ve never seen the insides of a radio studio….. and the only reason I want to be a jockey is because I like music…I think…..Or Oh man, i luv my job. I luv thriving on consumer data and i luv SPSS (errr....like who cares???)
Me: (After much debate in my head) Good uncle
Guest: Excellent (Ok looks like I can't possibly continue this topic anymore)
Silence. Mother is still on the phone. I'm thinking of what to count next.
Me: (Cannot understand what in the world my mum is discussing with whoever has called for so long yet feeling socially responsible for carrying on this conversation) So how are the boys? (Why oh why did I have to say boys? Why not kids? I had no clue of the sex of their children…….. just that they did have some…..Oh God, please let them be the couple with boys)
Guest: They’re well (What kind of an answer is well?)
Silence. I count the number of flowers in the vase, the number of loops in the telephone wire, the number of lines on my index finger!!!
Me: (One last attempt) So which class are they in now?
Guest: Bada wala class 12 mein hai
Me: Oh really? That’s really grown up
Guest: Blank expression returns: You just met him 6 months back. Remember you adviced him on colleges?
Me: (Time to drown myself) Err…I’ll just go see where my Mom is…….(End of 10 mins)

BTW, saw the video of london london bridge on VH1 finally.......life has come a full circle.......this song just does not get off my back!!!

18 comments:

Nimrata said...

They're most probably saying "If we don't announce eid tomorrow we'll have to fast one more day. It's eid tomorrow. Amen!".... haha haha..!!!.. funneeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Heeeeeeeylooooooo lovely cousin,

Lets try and explain to the world how bonkers we are..
Maulanas decided to unleash absolute fury to motherhood by declaring eid at 11:30!! some dusted till 3 while others woke up at 3 to cook biryani!!! 'Happy' Eid indeed..
You know its a neat idea to avoid a roza and then call for eid...my dad would definitely have endorsed it because I think short of mouthing abuses he pretty much made sure he made it very clear that he didnt enjoy the extra roza because andhra was one of the four states to celebrate eid on 25th!!
( as was suggested , but due to Lalu turning the railways into a success , we didnt get a ticket intime to send time to Karnataka or Tamil Nadu )
But Orissa is really smart, there is a town cuttack, where ofcourse the housewives rule because, the Eid was on 25th and hey no one fasted on the extra day as well!! How convenient!!!!
check the rule book , I don't thnk it works that way.
Anyway owing to umpteen news channels maulanas far and wide got their fifteen minutes of fame.
oH and the most literate state celebrated Eid on Monday - why partake of the confusion at all...
Incase you are wondering..we are bonkers!

- Also fear not I know have a fifteen minute answer to anyone who asks me how you are - It involves depression , cat preparation or the lack thereof and my obsession with pastas and pastries from Deli 9.

- Thank you for sharing blog space, this has been fun!

Anonymous said...

Most literate state- Kerala!

:)

Nimrata Again ... said...

Bonkers or not as ayesha says .. u have to hand it to the maulanas .. they actually had their ppl on call and holding meetings faster than the government can put an anti hijacking team together..real world situation ppl ...
oooohhh.. the conversation with the uncles and aunties....painful when that happens...when i'm stuck in a spot i pray someone lets my dawg in .. she's a real conversation starter...!!!..now u have a use for cuddles... hahahahah.. okie i know this won't go down well with u .. but i cudn't resist... ;)

Anonymous said...

Zariyen
Guess who this is?

Anonymous said...

Lovely cousin..
mite be the doc from orkut....
hahahhahahah

Zee said...

Nims, not very funny when you have to clean up the house starting midnight ....

Lovely cousin, u guys at least celebrated it after sighting the moon.....we celebrated it coz some maulanas had nothing better to do...
PS- your comment could be a blog in itself!!! it's hilarious!!!

anonymous, no clue who it is.....esp since the spelling of my name is wrong... :)

Ruchika said...

Hehehe.. very entertaining! And so true about the social PC! Though I am becoming much better at it, camouflaging how bored I really am... or what I am thinking about!

Nice one, aftr a long time..

beanpole said...

here's somethin unrelated...on orkut...
http://hawkeyeview.blogspot.com/2006/10/orkut-testimonials-are-people-up-for.html

the vestige said...

not very happy how the mauls stole my holiday....and rbi consspired....will be blogging on it soon... been busy dosing...and as usual pretending to work...

sleep suddenly has found its long lost importance in my life...i cant seem to get enough of it... i honestly had to push myself to write this comment... and i thought laziness would have some logical conclusion... but no it emulates my life

ya ... but the moon sighting comittee is going to hear from me soon....jokers...

best was my dads comment at a family friends place whre we had gone to wish eid..."ye chand to bahaut bewfa nikla"

vibhor said...

hi dear...
interesting enough....

Anonymous said...

after finding out where you work, dont u get asked what exactly you do there?? have u ever tried explaning that to ANYONE???? PLEASE let me know how u answer that one...

Zee said...

Ruchi, must take tips from you next time on social PC!! It'll make a huge difference to my life!

Beanpole, nice site! send me more

Vestige, yours is the real moon sighting story waiting to be told to the world......pls blog it soon

Vibhor, thanks :)

Anonymous, I don't even get into it!!!

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