Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Wedding Bells....No no..Not mine!

A friend of mine read my previous post and said "It was so bad I was feeling embarrassed to even read it".....Well guess what! This is going to be much worse! Cause this is a culmination of a very, very bad day (I banged my car, got stuck in a massive jam, missed half of nach baliye (tragic!!!) and the bed side lamp conked off). So I’m sitting in complete darkness and trying to figure out the keys on my keyboard!!! Read at your own risk!

Given that I’ve spent my whole weekend at a wedding, have decided to blog on just that. Here are the Must do’s for a wedding.

1. Get invited!!!
Even if means going to GT Karnal road! This is because when there are 15000 weddings in the city and you’re not even invited to one….it does not speak much of your popularity quotient!

2. Visit the parlour (Ya of course this only holds true if you're a woman! If you're a man who gets his eyebrows done.......get a life dude!!!)
You can't possibly go to a wedding looking like your own self (read social outcast having a bad hair....err....life) when everyone else looks straight out of cosmopolitan (sari clad with backless blouses....and you're in your grandmum's 1920's hide-it-all-the-fat blouse!!!). However, if your parlour lady is anything like mine, it is highly avoidable. "Aap to aur bhi mote ho gaye ho" is not the ideal thing to hear at the onset of such an event!

3. Acclimatize yourself
It's winters and foggy and you’ll probably spend the day whooshing out a lot of smoke, shiver and quiver and your only sense of relief is to watch the mandap fire…… when you've fought with your mum over not carrying that shawl just to be all fashionable, it’s advised to prepare yourself mentally to suffer. And to wake up with a massive cold and headache the next morning!

4. Buy a present within your budget
Do not embarrass yourself by walking into Tanishq and saying you would like something for 6K . And if you still stupidly do so, brace yourself for looks of disgust and pity from the shopkeepers. Attach yourself to the pity giver as he’s the only one who will be able to dish out some dust sized diamonds which you can gift wrap
Related advice: When some other friends who didn't have to undergo the torture of being illtreated by the shopkeeper, pass a snide comment like "Err...that's a pretty small stone isn't it".....Smack them!!!!

5. Trip
This is not as simple as it sounds. To some clumsy ones (read me) it comes most naturally, but the timing must be just right! Just when you’re standing in a group and no one can decide who should say bye to the bride’s mum first, you should decide to be Miss Confidence 2006 and start leading the way….find the perfect spot on the carpet where your broken heal can attach itself….make sure all your friends are looking at you... and then…..simply trip….topple over...whoosh...wham...thud!!! This not only ensures your popularity at the rest of the weddings as people point at you throughout and snigger, it also ensures that the rest of your friends have top class entertainment (at your expense) and they can take your trip (pun sooooooo intended) for the rest of your life!

One Question: Why me?

21 comments:

Ruchika said...

Noooo.. u didnt!!! u tripped?!!! hehhee. ok am sorry am laughing but its just too funny to imagine!! not taking shawl, totally agree.. all of us women prefer freezing ourselves to death than not looking fab enough! and yes my parlour lady too keeps commenting on the condition of my skin, esp just when i think i have stopped looking like a pimple-faced 16 yr old!

hmm.. why us?!

hehee.. but u tripped.. hehee.. am sorry....

serendipity said...

trippity, trip, trip..oh what a tragic trip..ahem, no pun intended.
i like the way u've described the whole wedding tamasha that is delhi these days...makes for an absorbing read :)

Nimrata said...

I know i know.. a trip is a trip is a trip.. and it doesn't really matter wat u were wearing when u tripped.. but i still wanna know ... hhehehehe.. was it the famous patiala salwar or the bubble gum pink saree..?
makes for better visualisation to support my already LMAO laugh when even just thinking abt u tripping.. hahahahah...

IR said...

"Aap to aur bhi mote ho gaye ho" -
parlour lady must have kissed her tip good bye

beanpole said...

you're losing it..

Zee said...

ruchi, thanks for empathising yet laughing your guts out!!! if it was funny to imagine, imagine what a ball my friends have had who actually saw it happen!

serendipity, errr...i will take it as pun intended! and it is a sea of weddings nowadays! the roads are packed, the signs are up everywhere,everyone coming into work with freshly blow dried hair and left over make up....

nimrata, extremely relevent question. it was not a sari. it was the magic of a broken shoe from TSG!! i'm going to sue them!!!

ir, u're so right about the tip!! but given the pittance of a tip i give her anyway (directly a function of my pittance salary), i'm sure she didn't miss it!

beanpole, you're right. i do seem to be losing my sense of humour along with my sense of balance!!!

Roy said...

Hi ..

So these was knocking at ur door!!

Nicely summing up thoughts added with humor & GK!!

Why GK? As it's long time [2000] I attend any wedding [koi invite-hi nahi karta, really], so get remembered some should & shouldnt...thanx!!

Take care & travel safely,
Roy

beanpole said...

while we are on the topic of weddings...interesting info

http://www.ibnlive.com/news/delhi-to-host-30000-weddings-today/28341-3.html

serendipity said...

TSG shoes have done that to me too...qualities slipping :(

Anonymous said...

Hello lovely cousin...

I agree with beanpole if he meant your sanity.....us cousins have so little to begin with in ne case :)

But delhites have such drastic choices either you drip and dehydrate during summer weddings or freeze during the winter ones!
Or you could do the andhra way and invite people for a breakfast wedding at 8:45 am!!!

These parlour ladies are damn chalu..i always get the 'apke eyebrows tho crocked hain' ...i think its their way of guilting u into spending loads more in an effort to not look like urself at all....sigh...

he he he you tripped......

Also the tanishq thing happened to me!!! They gave me the 'chutta nahi hain look'....

Anonymous said...

TSG SHOES- UNRELIABLE...
nahiiiiiiiiiii..........I can't believe wat im reading!!!
(!!!)

Giscard said...

lol, a pleasure as always! And, might I add, educational as well :)

serendipity said...

no im not saying they r unreliable, im saying the qualities slipping!

Zee said...

roy...if it makes u feel any better there are 30000 weddings in delhi today and i haven't been invited to even one!!!

lovely cousin, trust u to go to tanishq!!! it runs in the family!

anonymous....sorry to break ur heart but it's true....sob sob...

giscard...thank u very much! you've obviously been deprived of normal education if you find stuff like this educational!

serendipity, fully agree!!!!!! which reminds me i need to buy winter shoes.....

serendipity said...

@ zee
don't go to TSG looking for any good winter boots. god awful stuff they got this time. i'd say gather up some moolah and take ur chances at Ashley's factory outlet instead :)

Vandy said...

How do walk out with a present in your tiny budget?
You appease the horrified shopkeeper by saying - 'hum yahan is nirash nahi jana chahte'! :)
So the man feels like a MAN and hunts high and low for more dust sized diamonds!!
i got it right, didn't i?

ikshit said...

Really? You could hear your friend from all the way down there? I think your posts are becoming funnier as you go along or maybe it is some sort of a cosmic conspiracy against you which is making your life funnier.

Giscard said...

lol, as far as I know, there is nothing normal about education...

A Liberated Soul said...

I thought IT was fun....esp in Delhi...

cardamom said...

its been a long time since you have updated..this...Nice place this..you have a dinstinctive style..keep writing :)

Zee said...

vandy, yes ma'am! very good line to use!

ikshit, u're one to be talking about my life getting funnier! i'm not the one who gets smacked in the eye by flying objects!

liberated soul....i guess it is...errr...ok i didn't quite understand the comment :D

cardamom, i think my distinctive style is thanks to my distinctive life!! thanks anyway :)....if it was meant as a compliment that is!