Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Check....no mate

(101 reasons why I can't marry....assuming someone is willing to of course!)

Today my maid’s leave coincided with mine. So I couldn't feign exhaustion from office as I do usually at times like these and had to help out mum in the kitchen. While she did most of the cooking and cleaning, I shadily thought I’m contributing by pushing the dishes into the micro and pressing the 2 min button. That's when I realised I'm so not ready to get married

For starters I cannot run a house!!! I have no clue as to when bills are paid in my house, when bulbs are changed or when the maids come and go. I didn't even know the geyser didn't work in the kitchen till I got a frost bite trying to wash the utensils today

I can't cook. To put things in perspective, my friends are expert cooks. They can put together a 5 course meal within mins and have people smacking their fingers for more. I, on the other hand, still need to read the instructions on the back of a Maggi pack. (The font has decreased and it’s given in one corner now coz they believe the world knows it and doesn’t refer to it but I do I do! Feedback for you Nestle people!)

I can't keep the house clean. My room's a dumpyard of dusty books I've never read, dried up pens, floppies (remember those?), single socks, old bedcovers, broken chairs and a carpet where my dog eats his food. (My cupboard stays locked so I'm not even going to try and describe that!)

And then of course....there's the babies angle!! (I want to shoot myself for even thinking of this but check out the event below)

Couple of weeks back went with this couple friend to see another couple friend's new born (couple couple couple!!). I’m looking down at this bundle on the bed and I’m thinking uhhhh.....how is the mum ever going to catch a good night sleep again.... when the other girl with me says “Oh I wish I had one!” What? Are people around me seriously thinking of having babies? Like looking after babies day in and day out? I mean I have the most adorable 2 yr old niece in the whole wide world…the sunshine of my entire family including mine……but I still break out into a sweat if my sister asks me to babysit her for too long!

And with these thoughts fresh in my mind, one of them says "You know I'm going to be 26...time to have a family" and then they all turn to look at the only single person in the room, me, and say with deep concern "Zee, aren't you planning to get married?" "Er....no" "Then when will you have babies?" Oooh boy!!

You know, so many movies have this romantic scene where the guy looks into the woman’s eyes and says “I want to be the father of your child”…..I wonder how the audience would take it if the woman would say “oh shittttttttt.......I don't want a child right now...contact me 4 yrs from now..."

And to top it all, that same evening, one of my friends was practicing her numerology on me and says your numbers mean u have very "masculine energy"...which she said meant I was a tomboy (not a nice thing to say to a 26 yr old!) .

I was deeply offended by this masculine energy bit. My mum says I have no energy at all. She think I’m going to turn into a patta gobi anyday the amount I vegetate. I have this amazing ability to stare into space for hours and think of nothing at all. I’m not too sure what this says about me but….

Not the point. The point is I don't want to get married. In fact I don't even want my friends to get married cause they turn into these things that think you're psycho for not wanting to get married. And then spend their life tsking at your sad life (which btw, is not so sad after all you know)

I think my brain's rusting.......as are my blogs.....

18 comments:

Nimrata said...

i dunno if it's a good idea to say this in a public domain .. but .. wat the heck ..!! mom will never get here.. hahahaha...

u can always count on me to keep you company .. !!!..

can't cook.. can't change a bulb.. don't know crap abt bills and geysers..!! and im not havin kids either...!!i mean i'm a sane child n all that.. u have to agree i'm pretty good.. but i don't think i can handle a 'mini-me'..

either way i don't think we need to worry abt these issues just yet .. !! i don't see us married for a longgggggg longgggg longgggg time.. if ever.. !! .. so back to uninterrupted vegetating it is .. lol ..!! cheers to that ...!!

beat u to this one LC...!!

Anonymous said...

Lovely Cousin,
The best one by far! Ur blogs are so not rusting!
( Tho my first comment precision is!!Damn!!!)
But i can clearly see why we are family. I ensure maggi is left more to the bowl than to me whenever i attempt to make it
(4th of July last i think!). I can only make tea. Can change a bulb tho.
But at 21 u must hear the novel reasons for my friends not to have kids. (I have a friend that says- What! And ruin my figure. Angelina has made her breathe easier abt the future.And another one that runs at the site of a kid,dog or chipkali alike!)

But im sure the chocolate companies will root for u to procreate! Will push up their sales considerably me thinks. and imagine the prospects if u have twins!!! lol...

Oh gosh if ur moms called u patta gobi. Itll be two days before I get called that. Must prepare suitable retort!

arpana said...

aahahaha ! kumbh mela main bichad gaye they kya hum dono? oh-so-not-ready for marriage!!!
esp this // can't keep the house clean. My room's a dumpyard of dusty books I've never read, dried up pens, floppies (remember those?), single socks, old bedcovers, broken chairs and a carpet where my dog eats his food. (My cupboard stays locked so I'm not even going to try and describe that!)

Believe me when i say it, mine is worse.

manish said...

“oh shittttttttt.......I don't want a child right now...contact me 4 yrs from now..."

!!!!Hope you don't let these ideas leak out to the movie-makers :)....guess,what happens to those stereotypical romantic movies where the audience are willing to get the duo married more than the couple themselves!!

Adarsh said...

nice point of view to marriage !!!
hehe .... shaadi par to humne bhi koi PhD nahin kiya hai..to filhaal hum 'no comments' hain :D
time time ki baat hai..... u can run from it but unable to hide from it :))))))

Anonymous said...

Good Patta Gobi.
Not convinced. Will still look for a suitable match for u. Know what to look for now another patta gobi.

Anonymous said...

for you kids for not another 4 years..for me no marriage for another 3 years at least till i know i have enough money to hire an amazing cook and an amazing cleaning bai...the bills part will try and figure out a simpler version of MFCS..but man now if i feel broke its only me being broke imagine needing to think of "shit i cant spend money on that both my hubby and i will be broke" arghh i dont want to deal with someone else's problems or financial status (mine give me enough of sleepless nights)

rt said...

hola there
may i impress upon u that u need not know how to cook or change light bulbs to be married. what are husbands for? go get urself a nice one. punju with pot belly is a good idea, i think.

beanpole said...

dang..now you've got no chance.imagine if you change your mind and actually net some poor punju sod but his mother sees this..i'll probably make sure i send this link to her...nah dont thank me..what are friends for

Anshul said...

do what I did .. move to a new city; get a maid who comes and cleans; get a cook who comes and cooks; get drunk 4 times a week; and then just come and sms your maid to come and clean your ruckus the next day.
Simple.
Stay Single and Drink the Beer. well yeah you need to keep your weight in check; so have a Bacardi with Diet Coke.

J said...

I love this post. And I love you. I'm so sick of people getting married and breeding like rabbits, and then acting like they are doing the over populated world a favour. [This is my most common rant]
So hear hear, dont worry loads of us will keep you company.

IR said...

one of my batch mates who is, well your age, was in town and lamenting about how every body wants to marry her off

(conversation was after a couple of drinks) i told her "dont get married if you dont want to"( i was being supportive) she looked at me as if she wanted to kill me and said "what do you know, you are 23 and a boy " !

but seriously where is the problem, dont get married if you dont want to ,whats the big deal

jeet said...

thanks for the read

Zee said...

nimrata, thanks for the encouragement! i just wish you hadn't laid so much emphasis on "long" though....

lovely cousin, when you're 26, perspectives change....but ur reasons are valid nonetheless!

arpana, tough to believe yours is worse...but glad to know you're just as bad!!! :)

manish, it's time the movie makers showed some reality! hence i do hope they read this blog!!!

adarsh...i've already hidden from it i think!!

anonymous, no more patta gobis pls!!! on behalf of vegetation

anonymous, if only life were as simple as "earning enough" to hire people.....ya right!!! we'll never earn enough....

rt...punju with a pot belly??? is that REALLY supp to be an incentive? tsk tsk!

beanpole.......u evil thing!!

anshul, great advice! am at it already! hic!

j...thank u thank u thank u!!! i need the company! we shud start a club actually.....hmmmm

ir....ur friend was right! u lucky boy!

jeet, u're welcome....for what i'm not sure though....

cardamom said...

Lovely post!!

I am 22 and marriage thoughts are as distant as barbados. I agree with adarsh we are too young to comment or lament on your state...But still its the forbidden apple....and they say an apple a day keeps the doctor away..!!

aren't gynecologists doctors..?? :P

jeet said...

What I meant to say was thank you for letting me read but i was in a hurry..

That Armchair Philosopher said...

What? Are people around me seriously thinking of having babies? Like looking after babies day in and day out?

Hahahaha. Its scary isn't it? Marriage just totally changes people. *And* you're thinking about _planned_ babies. Now if you were to look at it from the angle of "ohshitohshitohshit, the condom broke" - its enough to shudder and die of :)

If only things weren't so complicated.

This was going to be a rant about breeding and marriage like Janine's (J), but I'll just let her carry the flag here!

Cool said...

that idea that your friends should not get married is not a nice one...
you lose them after they get married that it true.. they obviously don't have so much time as you do... but what the heck, they need to be happy and you should be happy for them.