Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Shakespeare.....Take a Hike!

The thought was triggered off by Nutty who said she wanted to be a writer. I'm thinking, most people who blog now must've aspired to become writers huh? Well at least I did when I was a kid. Unfortunately in hindsight, I'm glad no publisher came upon my manuscripts else I would've been banned from the literary world for life!!

It is quite fun reading through those registers and registers of stories though! There are some common threads.

*Each one starts off with a lot of passion....and usually ends in some bland, useless ending for the heck of ending it....and in a different ink from the one it had started off in.

*It has the most innovative names of characters. I must confess that some of them sound like spells from JK Rowling creations. Hmmm....maybe I should charge some royalty

*And they have arbit drawings of box shaped women in red mini skirts! (I think it's an expression of aspiration...I'm sure I wanted to wear one all my life....and then was blessed by this awesomely gigantic box shaped figure which can't sport a skirt- mini or long!)

Anyway, got me thinking if I were to write some books now, these are the titles they would bear

- How to find the slowest lane in peak hour and non peak hour traffic

- 101 reasons why Monday is not a good day to start a diet (Also available in the same series- Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and definitely not Sunday!)

- Do Good Onto Others- By ensuring every time you open your mouth, it's only to make others look brighter in comparison

- Relatives and Where to Lose Them

- 20,000 People to avoid when at Marriageable age

- Who Moved my Remote Control

- Exercising the Right to Not exercise

- Chocolate- A Users guide to happiness....and Flab

- What Women Want- The one word summary of which reads, "Everything"

Try not to get killed in the stampede to get a copy of my books!

32 comments:

Anshul said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anshul said...

Trust me I will short the company which plans to publish these titles.... sweetheart I think you have got the bloggers block; let it out somewhere else yeah?
See you on 15th

Arpz said...

damn!!!!!!
I wanted to be a writer too ...now you have successfully demotivated me :(

mathew said...

What Women Want- The one word summary of which reads, "Everything"

Lol!! nice one..

aartee said...

More suggested titles -
1. Chennai 101
2. Spacing out at work 101
3. Scaring cyclists off MG Road

Cool said...

damn funny post......

Adarsh said...

ya.. m waiting for those books of yours :P
especially the 1st n 5th ones :D

Still searching said...

Oh, I can co-author "20000 people to avoid when at marriageable age" with you!! :)) hehehhee...

(Couldnt comment earlier because the blogger comments page is blocked when Im logged into my office network)

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should title your blog: Hey I'm fat :) or maybe Hey I'm lost and fat :) :)

ιℓℓυѕιση said...

nice titles...wld love to read some of them for sure.....

Standbymind said...

Bet ur books would be worth getting in a stampede..
;)

Loved the post!

Raghu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cuckoo said...

In a country of 1 billion, you are talking about 20000 only? Tsk Tsk!

JollyRoger said...

That was funny! Keep blogging

Zee said...

anshul.....my blog for my block! ha! why r u coming on 15th? come on the 13th and get me a present!!!


arpz....i don't have the powers to motivate or demotivate....unless u mean i stole one of ur titles :D

mathew....thank u! glas u empathise!

aaaaaaaaaarteeeeeee....add: scaring off honda citys off the MG road

cool...dhanyavaad

adarsh....get in line!! i shall give u a signed copy!

still searching...yes u can!! maybe it couold go up to 50,000 people to avoid!!

anonymous.....blah to you!

illusion...shall send u a copy! maybe it'll be my only published copy....hmmmm...

standby...you are kind...vs other comments above!!

cuckoo....i'm not sure i know more than 20K!!!

jollyroger...thanks...will do...

rebel said...

Lol...

Relatives and Where to Lose Them Can I co-author????

Danish said...

One book which would be a certain hit is "101 Cute Niece Anecdotes"

And a book which you would surely be good at (though its success is doubtful)would be "Benefits of dieting" (with a special section on how to use dieting as an excuse to avoid promised lunches):-)

Bullshee said...

Excellente!!!

Nice short wicked post Zee!

Loved all the titles!The diet and marriage(the avoidance of) seems to be really on your mind right now!! :D

ScRiBbLeR said...

"20,000 People to avoid when at Marriageable age"
I would like to read that..!!!
That was a nice post ...& I still wish to be a writer!!

nutty said...

well! well! well! I actually inspired a blog post! I'm flattered!

And yes I think I could definitely co-author "20000 people to avoid when at marriageable age" with you and Still Searching!!

Lol @ the exotic names! Its what I always spent maximum time on whenever I had to come up with a story. The name has utmost importance... plot be damned!

beanpole said...

"Get off that diet and make money selling tyres"??

IR said...

what women want-- can i please break the line and get a copy ,before the rush starts !

Honey Bee said...

Hey I not only wanted to be a writer, I wanted to be a director, screen play writer etc. etc., and the post was great

praveen said...

I love all those titles....

Keep rocking :D

nasia said...

ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!!
who moved my remote! hahhahahaahha...

they are goin to throw me out of office.. for lol

Anonymous said...

hey zee... really enjoyed this blog... and therefore ended up reading most of your old ones (at 1 am.. guess i am completely velha)... extremely funny... can empathise with loads of them... believe me would'nt mind getting killed in a stampede to get hold of a copy... keep talking :)

Zee said...

rebel....yes yes of course!!!

danish...tsk tsk...some friend u r...trying to get out a lunh out of me at the expense of me getting fat! :(

bullshee...yes the diet definitely is...the marriage definitely not!

scribbler...a true writer never gives up huh!

nutty....disagree...i think the end of the story is the tricky bit....coz u're bored by then anyway...holds true for my blogs too....

beanpole....u are mean!!!! hmph!

ir...spl copy just for u!!!

honeybee....me too!!! except i understood my talent...or the lack of it...much before i made a fool of myself!

praveen...thanks :)

nasia...and u will thank me for sure!

anonymous....reveal yourself!!! :) thanks

Di said...

I want a copy of all those books wenever they are out!! plz plz pretty plzzz!! :D :D

Strider said...

ek copy mere liye bhi!!

how about a book called "Zee horror show"? :P

Bhel Puri & Seekh Kabab said...

Hey, nice post. The part about your childhood literary pieces had me chuckling.

Of the stuff I wrote as a kid, one still survives. It was a crime thriller set in Bombay - the suburbs, to be precise. Enough said.

Btw, what were the women in the red mini-skirts doing?

BPSK

nutty said...

silly gurl! that's what I was saying -- the time I spent coming up with names was never justified ...

oh well! :(

nisha punjabi said...

hilarious!!
i know everyone wants to be a writer these days...blog inspired..and all the 'nice' comments u get!
newayss..your blog makes a nice read. good going!