Saturday, August 04, 2007

Fatti-licious

Fatty Zee sat on a chair
Fatty Zee in deep despair
The Chair sunk down
It dug the ground
Fatty Zee got a dirty glare

The above is not a story. It's true. Today I was sitting outside at CCD and during the course of the half an hour there I could feel myself sinking lower and lower into the ground. First I blamed it my bad posture. Then I thought it was a broken chair. Then I realised my weight had pushed the chair so deep into the earth that there was a hole enough for a family of snakes to seep out at the same time!!! The idea of seeing snakes appear was not a pleasant one so I came back home.

Then my mom turned up with a picture of some "eligible muslim boy". She just doesn't give up!. And since I don't either, I turned him down saying he's fat. She gave me the look to say you aren't a toothpick either you know. Then returned 10 mins wearing her glasses and said "If I put on my specs, he doesn't look fat anymore". You have to give it to her. She doesn't give up without a fight!

Thankfully the niece is over and she's been distracting my mom so I didn't hear of it again. The niece goes
"Nani, I'm getting a dog. A Daschund"
"Really? What will you name him?"
"He already has a name. Daschund"

Anyway, the exercise cycle will be used tomorrow. It was taken out last week and after getting an asthma attack thanks to the dust that had settled on it, I did put it to use for fifteen mins. Unfortunately, I felt nothing in those 15 mins. I think I cycled at the speed of 10, read the paper, hummed a song and got a few droplets of sweat at the nape of my neck. The net take out was to place the cycle right under the fan the next time....which of course hasn't happened since.

My anthem on weekends has been to go on a diet starting Monday and since today is the weekend I vow so again. Bring on the boiled veggies I say

38 comments:

Cool said...

maybe you can join my diet plan.. its effective but you need lot of self control and dedication....

sinking chair.... must have have been a funny sight.... don't blame urself blame the chair....:)

maverick said...

he he he, we r in d same boat i gues.... o wait the boat's sinking :)

Still searching said...

Haha! Diet.. successful till about the next time u're faced with eating hot brownie with chocolate sauce on it! :)

Good to know about the exercise cycle atleast coming out! :)

And you read the paper?! Cant imagine that, for some reason!

Nice New Guy said...

She gave me the look to say you aren't a toothpick either you know. Then returned 10 mins wearing her glasses and said "If I put on my specs, he doesn't look fat anymore".

This cracked me up. :D I am still grinning end-to-end and if my friends see it, they're going to run to figure out what's on my screen. Did you tell her you don't want to wear glasses for next many years just to feel happy about the whole affair? :)

Nice post. We all have (diet) plans that are made and destroyed (by our own weight).

IR said...

"Nani, I'm getting a dog. A Daschund"
"Really? What will you name him?"
"He already has a name. Daschund"


your niece is going your way !

The Black King said...

Oh diets don't work... workouts do. Eat to the full, just eat the healthy stuff and you're set!

P.S. - That Muslim boy episode promises a lot of fun... more posts on these, please!

StandbyMind said...

I say....Let the chairs in ccds and baristas and costas s ink in as much as they can...

but..
boiled veggies NO NO NO..
Cmon Zee....u cant eat that

:O

Zee said...

cool....pls put me on to it...i'm desperate now

maverick...hahahaha!! good one!

still searching....no no no no! i shan't give in to temptation! tell me when u getting back. that's my deadline to get back to my college weight

nice new guy....ya man! i thought of telling my mum exactly that but smart alec comments would've landed me in deeper trouble i'm sure!!!

ir....that is scary!!!

black king...ha! the most entertaining story hasn't been told till now!! but u have motivated me to blog it nonetheless! watch this space

standby...sob sob sob sob!!! help me!!!

Behind Blue Eyes said...

Do you know what helps me diet? I read about all of the things eating a bad diet does to your body. Then if I eat these things I feel sorta disgusted. At least, I think it's helped me, or else it's just made me feel constantly guilty, I'm not sure which yet.

nutty said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!

How?! Just how do you come up with posts like these?!!!

@Sinking chair - you're an MBA!! Don't you see how this could adversely affect the sales of CCD? You should have gone up to the counter n demanded to speak to the management and told them if they keep having chairs which sink people are going to stop ordering their caramel frappacinos (or whatever other poison they sell) n they should pave their outside seating area! and then you should have demanded that they PAY YOU for the consultation! See?!

@muslim boy - Do what a lot of my other friends are doing... agree too meet him.. go on a free date and scare him away ... or at worst say you don't think it'll work ;) Keeps the moms silent n u get an evening out n material for your next post :D

@exercycle - forget it! been there done that... you're never going to be regular at it... I'm tellin you .. its a bane we're born with .. laziness you cannot let go!

Loved your post! Go Gurl!

nasia said...

I dotn think u r fat,, though it makes an awesum read..

Arpz said...

aish! thats my story!

or wait, is that the story of all "healthy" girls? :D

Akanksha said...

lol...hilarious! And the niece sounds like such a cutie...!

Bullshee said...

Thats the fightin spirit ol' girl!

Chuck those pounds(assuming you have pounds to be chucked and are not exaggerating!)

I too stare the mirror from time to time and wonder "If only...." :D :D :D

Go Zee Go!!

Strider said...

ha ha good one! :)
but boiled veggies ?! naa :(
how abt cycling to the nearest ccd everyday?

Di said...

a daschund named daschund? then again...y naat? :D

Anshul said...

hmmm and to think I saw a collarbone of yours in on ehte XIMB snaps ...
man I should actually save it and put it on a Believe it or Not scenario!

mathew said...

I ll say dont worry of being fat..just imagine the days of impending famine and poverty..those extra lumps of fat will come in handy when the skinny ones will struggle to stand on their feet!! ;-P

Anonymous said...

hello lovely cousin..

...my my wat a pushy aunt i have!! very impressed must say..im sure its do with the fact that you have a pushy aunt behind her!! :)

The niece is a cutie!!! :) so proud of aapa!!

Congratulations on the GM diet kickoff! hugs to nims!!!

Anisha said...

GM diet is it..?? its not tough at alll!!!!! good luckk :):):)

Zee said...

blue eyes....i'm on day one and nothing's helping!!! bring on the cholestrol i say...it's yummy

nutty...on CCD...dammit! i gave in to the dirty stares too quickly...on muslim boy....no way!!!!....on exercycle...it hasn't seen daylight since...

nasia...u didnt know me 5 yrs ago....

arpz...that's my gran's favourite dialogue....u've become healthy!!!

akanksha...she totally is! :)

bullshee..i do i do :(

strider....hahahaha! good one!

di...see they're smarter than us already!

anshul....as always...%$$%^&*(

matthew...ya man...i'm just preparing myself for somalia

LC....pushy runs in our family...me being pushy about u saying LC

anisha...day one was very very tough!!!

Adarsh said...

kariye kariye... dieting-shyting.... acchi baat hai..... bahut kaam aayega health.
humko bhi weight lose karna... pata nahin kab aur kaise :(

JollyRoger said...

Noticed that Diet has Die in it???

Btw: U have been tagged.

ScRiBbLeR said...

Your niece sounds lovely :)
You know for some people being fat looks nice, I like to think so wrt me :D

rebel said...

Oh well! Dont remind me of diets. My cube-mate has brought a big box of pista rolls today. And it looks like I ve vowed to eat it all!

:(

CM-Chap said...

Ha Ha... Nice read.... Probably we both can exchange some weight.. I'm always under weight for my height..

Nabeel said...

lol, fun poem .. fatty zee :)

As the chair sunk down,
Fatty Zee, realized and frowned,
His weight is just one too many pounds.

Anonymous said...

forget the veggies...have muesli...thats what good muslim girls are supposed to eat!!

Zee said...

adarsh...lage hue hain...abhi tak koi pearls of wisdom nahin hain

jollyroger....have realised that now that i've started....

scribbler....my logic is this...when i was younger i thought i was fat...then i grew older and look back and think i wasn't so fat after all....now i just believe 20 yrs from now, this will be thin for me!!!

rebel....i dont like the sound of pista rolls...but i'm craving for them nonethless

cm-chap....i hate u types!!! hmph!

nabeel..."her" weight....thanks for completing the poem anyway...very apt!!

anonymous...no muesli..no pasta allowed...fusili...muesili...hahahahah!

APOO said...

LOL!

I like your niece.
Kids are the best stress busters.

I have a friend who bought an exercise bike, never used it to work out, used it to dry his clothes on, and eventually ended up selling it and treating himself to a month of Big Macs.

The bike has many uses.

maverick said...

u r goin on the right track, even i lost just abt 5 lbs in the first five days.

wat the plan does is - it cleans up ur system in the first three days , and then it prepares u to loose ur weight. so its not tht u loose ur weight in equal proportions each day. the max weigh loss i think happens at the end.

so yayyyy , keep goin, just control urself i knw its a bit tough to stop cravings for things, but aat the end, u feel its all worth.

aRbit said...

"If I'm fat, there's just more of me to love" used to be my slogan, till this happened to me - now I'm looking for the easiest ways to get those extra inches off.

Princess Banter said...

Sigh, I am perennially on a diet... and I never get to finish it as I always cheat :P For some reason, ice cream looks and tastes so much better when you're not supposed to be anywhere near it. Screw diets and enjoy the glory of food :) You're beautiful... and remember that!

Anonymous said...

Look at how u r marketing urself !!
Sharam aani chaiye
U r not a packet of chips...tum kuwari baithi reh jaogi

Raghav said...

ur funny
good one

nithin ramachandran said...

what a coincidence...

im plannning to diet too...yeah its weird for a guy i guess...

but i went shopping....n i figured...im 32 inches wide....which isnt so pleasant...especially when what u see in the mirror is somthing reminding you of all the goddies oyu ate and the beer that you drank...

life sucks once in a while i guess...

so heres to dieting..

cheers!!!

Anonymous said...

marry me...
ismail khan
age 29
6 feet 2 inches.
well built.

9986629349

Jac said...

Reading backwards, it must your weight that broke the chair and so you decided to diet to reduce the weight !!! Check ?

Don't glare at me ! I drifted in from matt out of curiosity !