Tuesday, August 14, 2007

The Tale of a Tormented Tummy

(Warning: If this post strikes you as being unfunny...let me tell you...there's nothing funny about being on a diet!!!)

You never know how much people eat around you till you're forbidden to eat it yourself. Quite like you never know how many couples there are till you're single. Or how clean everyone's cars are till yours is unwashed. Or how clean everyone else's arms are till yours are unwaxed!!!

Getting back to the first bit, the diet which lasted one full week was the toughest time of my life. Tougher than fasting when you know you can have a go at anything you like at the end of the day. The visions of salad and onion soup have scarred me for life!!

Add to this that I was invited to Radisson the other day for free coffee (and awesome munchies) and all I had was a glass of watermelon juice!!! Saying no to free food was a blow to the tummy..... It growled in protest!

My friend was over the other day and was talking about his wedding when he said "When I send you my wedding card, I'll just write Zee + 1. Oh wait...that'll mean you only...hahahahahaha!" For a tiny second I did take offence to that and swore to continue the diet. Till of course friend two, rechristened devil in disguise, brought chocolate mousse (free again!) and placed it under my nose. So no, didn't break the diet then but did decide to have a go at it 2 days hence!

Food deprivation also made me crack this joke with Beanpole yesterday
-Why must you never trust an unfit person
- Because he's not fit as a fiddle
Get it? Not fit --> Not fiddle -->In-fiddle-->In-fidel -->Non trustworthy....DUH!!

Beanpole made me promise I wouldn't even mention that he was the unfortunate one to hear this joke first. I break that promise cause even on a full tummy, I find it damn funny! The boy's reaction was "So who bore the brunt of this?" Tsk tsk!

That reminds me, the boy was here couple of weeks ago (yipieeeeeeee) and will be back next month again (yip yip yipeeeeee) and we were passing past Priya complex. Priya complex, for the unitiated, is Delhi's fashion house...it's actually just a movie hall place where women come dressed as if they're going to star in the movie rather than just sit through it! So the boy is humming something and I just turn to look at him and he says "I wasn't even looking at her you liar!" Aha!!! He's still trying to come up with a story to cover up that one!!!

Anyway, am off the diet now...for a few days...till I muster up the courage to give up chocolates and chicken again.....maybe now the sense of humour will return.....sighhhhhhhhhhhh

PS- This blog is a Must Read. Really funny!

37 comments:

The Black King said...

Good luck with your dieting! Although, I think a little jog around the locality will do you a world of good more than your diet could ever do!

maverick said...

hmmmm congrats, so u lived thru it. Now the BIG question? say me the answer.

Still searching said...

That IS the worst PJ of your life Zee! In-fiddle?! U can do better! :)))

I cannot diet. So I'm pretty impressed you did it. But I'm off chocolates these days, and have been off chicken for 6 yrs, so I'm probably catching up! :)

APOO said...

I am gonna die-eating.

IR said...

pse add gk 1 m block to that list,women think they are walking on ramp
i agree with black king, a jog around the park is way better than not eating

Zee said...

black king...jogging means depriving myself of sleep...so it's a tussle between sleep and food now...sigh sigh

maverick...2.5kgs....don't think i'll sustain it the way i've been gorging since the end!

still searching....et tu?? i stand by that it was brilliant!!! and no ur diet doesn't count!!!

apoo....well said!!!

ir...i can add the whole of delhi to that list!!! the first reaction i remember of a LOT of friends of mine from out of town to delhi has been "why do women dress up so much to go around to the market?"!!! That's delhi for u!

Horn Please OK! said...

Chocolates, chicken, popcorn, bhutta, Nirula's ka pizza, dal makhani, tiramisu, HCF, buffalo wings, aloo paranthas, rasgullas and a diet coke ... itna sab kuchh kha gayi ?? (ok ok I made up the last 10 or so) ...

Did I just hear the chair from the last post kill itself :P

nutty said...

oh u poor thing! I feel for you! Although seriously get some time out and go jogging .. much easier!

About the boy - lol! He's sooo had it this time eh? :D My sympathies to him!

Nimrata said...

i agree with the warning.. it was quite unfunny... :(
either u've lost ur sense of humour.. or i've lost mine ..!! .... the GM diet has not been kind... :(

JollyRoger said...

All the best for your diet! But v funny post.

Anshul said...

someone's pushing the boy really badly!
about the blog; eat drink (beer!) and be merry; on Saturday and Sunday (both included) do 2 hrs of kick boxing; 2 hours of running; 3 hours of hiking and 5 hours of drinking and dancing; you will be fit.
Listen to the song called "Beer for Breakfast" and draw inspriaiton from it; all will be well.

Zi Dokhtor!

Anshul said...

oh that reminds me, do I get a kg of chocolates time judt to check your endurance?

IR said...

dress up so much
where are your friends from ? hawai !

i think your friends have got it all wrong, gk 1 or priya there is dressing less not up :P

nasia said...

Wat happend..at last.. did u loose wt.. pls say yes

Adarsh said...

hmmmmm ... diet..... hmmmmmm :(
and the not-fidel joke... baap re.... being on a diet is really enhancing ur PJability (if the term has not yet been coined... plz mention me as the coiner :P)
lagi raho zee ..... dieti raho .. he he

ScRiBbLeR said...

Great to know that you are not dieting !! :)

beanpole said...

that's it. no more phone calls. i'm barring your number. and please dont even use "joke" and "the abomination you mentionëd" in the same breath..wodehouse is turning in his grave..what ho.

Zee said...

horn please.....the chair was buried alive....like literally....it was murder not suicide

nutty...try jogging with the colony guards staring at u....u have forgotten the dilli land!!!

nimrata....well one of us retained the humour...dunno who...

jollyroger...it was given up!!!

anshul...how am i pushing the boy hain???

ir....ok more like caking up!!!

nasia...2.5kgs....but am putting it back on faster than ever before!!!!

adarsh...honestly...did u laugh or not at that ....errr....joke??

scribbler...not great to know i quit!!! :(

beanpole....wodehouse would be proud and u know it!!!

Adarsh said...

laugh ??? I was in splits :))))))
a very gud one :P

chronicwriter said...

tell me how u get lots of comments.. i am still clueless.... and yae.. awesome post yet again..

Kulpreet said...

dieting is a curse. Eating right, the right key pal.

CM-Chap said...

Hey Zee... Come on... Live the way u want... Eat as u wish... Sleep as u wish...

maverick said...

heeehuuuu........ its been more than a week now n i've gained just one pound. I've just been avoiding junk like chips and fries and trying to avoid non-diet sodas.

Strider said...

"Saying no to free food was a blow to the tummy....."
I hail thy resolve! :D

and the joke... we call such jokes hathodas! kya hathoda tha! LOL

sunblueskies said...

great self-control! better write to adnan sami for more tips. :)

and i listened to u and wrote some.

rebel said...

Oh well... I know what a diet can do to you! Seriously.. You just want some cooked food, something to tickle the taste buds on the tongue and something which makes u feel full after eating! Not a salad or a juice or a fruit.. Sheesh that is for non-humans!

And swear to God, I laughed at that PJ!

Someone said...

Trust me Zee...dieting is a disgusting concept! Food was made to be relished...survival is just an added benefit! :) And I loved the first para...couldn't agree more...

Di said...

Do u really HAVE to diet?? As long as ur kinda fit....hmm..watever makes u happy..:) dont lose the smile while u skip the food ;)
And the joke...ahh..the joke...it was ..hmm..interesting i guess :P

Zee said...

adarsh.... :)...i pity ur sense of humour along with mine

chronic...thank u :)

kuldeep....chocolates are right, right?

cm....get fat as u wish!

maverick...i embark round 2 soon....not the GM way though....

strider....i did have to hammer it down a bit...

sunblue...i saw and read and commented :)

rebel...muah!!! that was for laughing at my....let's not call it PJ!!

someone....the waxed arms bit??? hehehehe

di....i do man...unfortunately now i do :(

Cool said...

How can the boy see some other girl when he is besides you????? Not that he should not, he practically can’t as Fatty Zee is bound to obstruct his view… that was funny….. hahahahaha…

acha since you are on diet, no chocolate for you :)

Adarsh said...

well ... u shudn't pity it.. but be proud if it... it takes smthin special to be able to find hunour in such (gr8) PJs and smthing extra special to actually create them :)
Jai ho :)

Supernova said...

I dont eat much bt the only reason i cant diet is that I know the day im told NOT TO EAT, i'll feel lk hogging. Happens wid me wen i go on these 1 day fasts in July.

Nice blog:)

Bullshee said...

I cried after I read that PJ.A single tear. But I cried.

I join the club!This diet thing is tough!!My stomach craves for spicy biriyani and beer but my mind rejects it!! :( :( :( [no number of unhappy smileys will suffice!

Zee said...

cool...if that wasn't funny i would've killed you!

adarsh... :) ok fine :)

supernova...thanks...u won't ever need to diet if u don't eat!!!

bullshee....no way!!! u're dieting too????????? and :P for crying at my joke!

mathew said...

Pj...no comments on that..I literally squat on the floor in worship..plzzz.. ;-P

but defintely diets are meant to be broken..what fun otherwise.. ;-P

Bullshee said...

yea i am.... try this! Its a heaven send for dieters!!

www.sparkpeople.com

praveen said...

Hi,
I want to know the no.of attempts u made to be in diet before...bcoz its hard to be in diet more than a week...

congrats for this attempt...

cheers..