Quite the Cooker I am!

Now a lot of factors drove me to cooking. There was mum who constantly pestered me to learn to cook so that I can be self sufficient. There were horrified friends who became horrified when they learnt I cannot make an omelet. There was S who told me to check out her blog for pics of what she's made post baking classes....(fancy twisty dinner rolls, chocolate chip cookies, cakes, the works...). And then there was this terrible urge for honey chilli potatoes one evening when I got home for work.

You see, I love honey chilli potatoes. I cannot get enough of them. Right from the ones at Red Hot Cafe which are all honey, no chilli to Golden Dragon which are so hard you have to sacrifice a tooth every time you bite them......but if I'm having Chinese I have to start it off with honey chilli potatoes! I've caused enough embarrassment to some friends when we're out "fine dining" and everyone is ordering prawn ala la-di-da and crispy spinach ta-lu-ta-da and I promptly ask for my honey chilli potatoes total aka saki ishtyle!

Having given you that valuable insight about me, here I was craving for the potatoes and was too lazy to get out or order in. So I take the recipe from my sister and get working in the kitchen.

The first thing I learnt was that potatoes are just dug out from the farms and sold to innocent consumers without washing or processing them first! I had no idea there was so much mud around each potato. It's like they've all battled a sandstorm before making their way to Mum's vegetable basket!

The second thing I learnt was how disgusting the term potato "eye" is! I mean call it potato holes, potato depression but why call it the eye? It feels quite disgusting just saying it- I'm scooping out the potato eyes! Grosssssssssss!

The third thing I learnt is that a lot of plates, saucers, pans, cups are needed to get any cooking done. There was a pile of dishes crying for attention and the maid was away too....sigh.....

The fourth thing I learnt was that honey chilli potatoes needs chilli which is something I remembered just before I was going to scoop the dish out in serving bowls. The result were slightly overcooked/burnt potatoes.

The fifth and the final thing I learnt was never trust an expert's time estimate when you're setting out to do this yourself. My sister said it would be ready in half an hour. I took 45 mins just to peel the goddamn potatoes, 20 mins to cut the other ingredients, 30 mins to fry the potatoes and 30 mins to get the salt-honey-chilli combination right!!!!

But post that, I'm all set for a career in the food business! I'm going to start my own honey chilli potatoes and tea joint since those are the only things I can make. I would've liked to add roti to that list but the one time I did make them, they were so elastic my jaw started to hurt and I slept off hungry (and that's saying a lot!)

Make way for the new chef on the block! Or as someone recently put it....make way for the new cooker on the block!

Bombay

Cannot believe the horror in Bombay.
Cannot believe how unaffected some people were in office.
Cannot believe how no radio channel carries news.
Felt unreal to be discussing marketing when there was a war going on.
So relieved that all my friends and family safe.
So horrifying to know many of us can't say that.
So proud of the NSG, the army, the police.
Cannot believe the insensitivity of some news channel to air ads. So completely out of place.
Hats off to journalists who risked their lives and who possibly risk their lives everyday to bring us news.
Cannot believe how anyone can be so cruel.
Hope no one ever faces that horror- of being held hostage, of waiting for someone to get out alive....
It's all so real.....

Scary Hairy

Disclaimer: Gross Blog ahead! Proceed at own risk!

Today I read the newspaper. And of course that is an event in itself as I read the newspaper once in 6 months but the actual reason for blogging this is to say how I read the newspaper. I read it while I was driving....while the person in the backseat of the car in front of me was reading it! This shows two things. One I have great eyesight! (Clap clap clap clap!) And two, that the traffic if one leaves home post 9 is supersonically slow! (Can I use a phrase like that? Supersonically slow? Isn't supersonic = fast?). Well whatever. I thought it was a cool thing to blog about and so I am!

This was obviously not the gross bit of the blog. That starts here....

A lot's been going on this month. A wild rush of friends and family in the festive season, my cousins pouring in from London, my aunt here for a week......in all these things the one thing I've completely not found the time for is..........(Warning! People belonging to the male gender stop NOW!) .............. is the time to go beautify self in the parlour! Now that I've started I might as well tell you the entire story. My regular parlour had my favourite parlour ladies who would tell me all about their children and their hometowns and want to know everything that's happening in my life. Then one fine day the parlour shut down! And I had to move to this prim and proper upmarket one with a lot of fancy parlour ladies who obviously think I'm some Martian or something cause they keep recommending I do something to my face, my hair, my life......One of them even said "Sar pe toh baal hain nahin haath pe hain!" Hmph hmph!

Anyway, back to current situation. My laziness coupled with hectic social schedule has quite resulted in a mini rainforest growing on my arms! Initially I was happily trotting around with this horror sight and ignored my image in the mirror. But when I saw people hold their breath when they caught a glimpse of my arms (not very descretely hidden in my half sleeves!!!) and when I saw little thought bubbles popping up over their heads which went something like "oh my god- what is she thinking!" .....that's when I realised it's really a national calamity! In fact, I went for a client meeting today and I don't think that deal's coming for this very reason! Ok so I exaggerate.......or do I?

You really become very conscious of your looks when you know something is wrong. I for one have been hiding my arms behind my back everytime I'm talking to someone at close quarters...and this is happening subconsciously mind you! And when I meet strangers I keep thinking no matter what smart stuff I'll say, they'll think who's this tacky person and never take me seriously.

Looks really go to define a person huh! I remember this episode someone narrated to me when she was hanging out with a bunch of her friends and came across this hot guy. They were in their school days and so randomly went up to him and asked him for some directions. The smart looking guy turns around and says "I don't idea"!!!!! Oh well.....

I have to go now because this blog is blurring and I can't make out what the hell I'm ranting away about at 12:30 in the morning. At my age, this really is the wee hours you know!

But before I go....to all the menfolk who decided to continue reading :P

Jerusalem Bells are Ringing...Roman Cavalry Choirs are Singing

Have fallen in love with Coldplay's Viva La Vida! Have been listening to it all day on loop!!!! How long has this song been around and why didn't I spot it earlier? I love 102.6 FM for introducing it to me! Muah!

PS- the video is a bit arbit!

Fat or Fiction?.............Fat!!!

The only way I could've returned to blogging would've been thanks to my fat. So it's back with a vengance!!! And this time it's coupled with age! Wowie!!!!!! Lucky me!

Let me start by refreshing your memory of that bright and chirpy morning a few months back when the sun was out and the birds were twittering and I was driving to office. I'd decided to fill petrol that morning and the woman at the station called me ........Aunty! The sun hid its face behind dark, gloomy clouds, the birds flew away in shock and 15 more strands of grey hair immediately plopped out of my scalp! It took me many months to recover from that.

A 115 chocolates later, night before last, we were attending Shool's cocktails. We came across a gentleman who deals in ships. Unable to make any intelligent conversation with him, we started downing wine like nobody's business only to end the conversation with the boy blurting out- "So since you're in the shipping industry, do you know how to swim?". Not quite expecting this, the gentleman took our leave never to see us again. We would've felt rather insulted by this avoidance but having had an entire wineyard by now, we decided to trot off to Turquoise Cottage.

Dressed in ethnic suits full with dupattas draped around us and suit clad boys by our side, we tried to blend in with the jeans, tank top crowd! Only to find the bar closing a few minutes after we'd arrived. How chic are we!

So out we walked and stood outside the complex bidding our good byes when this car came haltingly to the group next to ours. Obviously drunk youth were having a bit of fun...or eve teasing or something. Then they pulled up to us and this guy calls out "Let it be yaar. Yeh toh Family hai!". There was stunned silence followed by hurt laughter. Why oh why had we started looking like such Uncles and Aunties that we didn't get......errr....eve teased? Or whatever!

Now that was the age story. Let's move on to the fat story!

I decided to finally drag myself for a haircut. The last one I had was 6 months ago and my hair hasn't grown more than 2 inches. Not only that, it is now greying and falling like Hansel and Gretal dropped crumbles on the way. You know Zee's been here because she's left a handful of hair on the chair. You know Zee's hugged you because she's left a hundred locks on your shirt. Uncle Sam gets a new wig thanks to the hair Zee left behind on her pillow this morning! You get the picture.....But still a haircut was much needed!

So I trace out my hairdresser and I'm sitting in the chair in front of what looks like a funny mirror given how fat was pouring out of me!
"Hello Ma'am. What do you want to get done?"
"Anything actually. But not too short. I've become fat." Better to say it yourself than people pointing it out!
"Become fat or becoming fat?" He's almost about to congratulate me for some reason. Looks at me expectantly to say something.
"Err...no. I've become fat. Hopefully not becoming fatter" Puzzle puzzle....
And then the dimbulb lightens up! He thought I'm pregnant! Like OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's it!!! I need to do something about myself....about my life....about my hair...about my clothes....about getting a new hairdresser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS- For whoever sees Shool's wedding pictures, the camera adds 20 pounds ok!

Tagged

Hmmm....just turned to flick my hair and found a gigantic tag sticking out of the new shirt I'm wearing. People must think I'm mad.....have been galavanting around the office for over 4 hrs like this!

Since these embarrassing things are happening to me again, looks like blogging beckons me back!

Blogging....Dead

Just not a blogger anymore........

And not happy about it! :( :(

Politics and more.....

Am not someone who keeps up with politics and am usually just impressed with myself if I can guess the vice president's name correctly. Shameful I know.....

But yesterday with all the hype built around the confidence motion, I actually got hooked on to it and watched the drama unfold at least the last couple of hours of the vote!!!

It's amazing how out of place all the celebs like Govinda and Sidhu looked in the whole situation...and it felt so good to see young faces in the lot! My mum even told me how many ministers had come out of jail just for this voting. What a country huh! Totally love it!

Aaj Tak was having a ball with all this drama. Their headlines read "Aage kya hoga Rama Re" when the counting was in progress (I for one seem to have heard that song after a zillion years!) and then "Singh is King" when Manmohan Singh won!!! Good God!!! Who is their....scriptwriter!!!

On a side note....Rahul Gandhi is so cute! :) :) :)

Jaane tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Surprisingly did not know jaane tu jaane na was an old hindi song!!!! And definitely not one worth naming an entire movie after! I mean, dilwale dulhaniya le jayenge...yes...kashmir ki kali...yes....but this song I hadn't even heard of! And strangely have been humming it all day!!!

People kept saying how the movie takes you back to your college days but it didn't for me. In fact I ended up feeling very, very old! :( I mean, the cast visibly looked younger than me, dressed younger than me and used lingo...which was well, different! Thinking back, there were no real college movies when I was....errr...younger! Shady Akshay Kumar-Ayesha Jhulka movies with funny hairdos and embarrassing fitted jeans don't count (Akshay Kumar wasn't as cool as he is now...Singh is King Singh is King..) and Dil Chahta Hai wasn't quite college....hmmm...

Anyway, next topic! When I thought of writing this post I thought I would call it Tale of Two Cities. That's cause I've just returned from Pune and Chennai.

And now Tale of Two Cities reminds me of school, when the book was included as a part of our course and there was this description of Madam Defarge- a massive lady picking her teeth! What I remember was how this classmate was asked to describe Madam Defarge as a part of some test and she said that Madam Defarge was large and her tooth had fallen out so she was picking it up!!!!!!! Angrezi I tell you!

And now back to the college topic, I spoke to two friends of mine from college today....after ages!!!!!! One of them is married and the other married one called to give us "good news"!!! So I put us all on conference and we spent a good 20 mins just giggling!!! We discussed how one of my closest friends has just had her second baby and how another friend who was the baby of the group also now has a baby of his own....And here was me...........and let's leave it at that!!!

Ok back to the tale of two cities (arrrrrghhhhhhh! All my thoughts are so mixed up!!)....had a blast! Met Candyman and though he's taken his car to Pune, he knows no routes at all!!!!! But it was a fun evening topped with great food and a very cold auto ride when he finally gave up trying to figure out routes!!!

And then I went to Chennai (almost like my second home now!) and spent 2 days packed with activities...like helping the boy get a new phone (I can finally hear him without having to push my cell to the bottom of my eardrums....err....there must be a bottom to the ear drums??) and then we went to Fisherman's Cove and OH MY GOD it is so sooooooooo gorgeous! Of course I spent a good part of that evening telling him I felt the water was receding and how a Tsunami was round the corner and then later how the waves are now too close to us and we'd get washed away (ok...there was some 100 miles of sand between us and the sea...ocean....bay??? Whatever!). (PS- I hate punctuations! Esp in and around brackets!)

And then I travelled Business Class!!!!!!!!! Yabadabadoooooooo!!! They have larger seats (of course), ask you what you'd like to eat from a fancy menu beforehand (the grilled chicken was yummmmmm) and even ask you whether they can lay the table for you (which basically means laying out a napkin and placing the tray on it but what the hell)!! So I felt all happy and important!! I must confess I was rather queasy before the flight but knowing this business class experience would be once in a lifetime and this queasiness would mean I would have to forego the yummy food, I popped in 2 domstals and was all set for the journey!!! I didn't even clutch the seat too hard in fright when the plane took off!

Ok now that I'm done pouring out my excitement, I'm off. Boy am I in a good mood!!!! :)

Jaane tuuuuuuuuu ya jaane naaaaaaaaaaaaa.............

Had to do this!

Sitting in Pune Airport!!! Blogging!!! There's a joy to be able to connect wirelessly!!!!
A plane just flew past the window! And now they're announcing boarding so toodles!

Down with Viral and All that Jazz!

It's like class 9 all over again. Every infection that does the rounds in Delhi, somehow feels incomplete unless it attacks me! That's what happened in class 9 when I did rounds of viral, conjunctivitis, chicken pox....and by the time the plague hit Delhi, my family was all set to welcome it into our home. It didn't help my dog developed a fascination for rats that year....he'd been around so many cats he probably began to feel like one!

Anyway, it's the same now....some 14 years later....after a round of flu, back sprain, it's the turn of a viral now though much needed to get time off on a working Saturday! The only problem being that even though you do get the weekend off, you pretty much waste it popping in pills and getting ice-sponged. I must confess my first most thought was that if I fainted (I was running a 104 temperature!), I'd better not hurl any abuses at anyone and scandalise my mum!

Well in any case, the viral was a dampner on what seemed to be a pretty good going on Mission Revival of Zee Social embarked a couple of weeks ago! I've caught 2 plays (both simply hilarious), 2 evenings of board games, 1 evening of karaoke croaking (in the safety of someone's home) and ....drum rolls please.... I even went dancing!!!! R, we missed you very, very, very much!!!!!!

It's like the world hasn't changed in the 1 and a half yrs I've been off partying. Girls in skimpy clothes (really...I only thought that was in the movies!), boys trying to get a date and all the oldies (read us) pretending to like the hip hop music and then trying not to yell too hard on finally hearing something familiar- Madonna Like a Prayer?? Ok so it wasn't so bad...

But there came the virus....putting a full stop on my mission...and I'm back to vegetating in front of the TV watching Hero no 1 on one channel and watching Jaane tu na trailors on every other channel!!! Btw, Aamir Khan in QSQT really reminds me of my boy...I sure hope as hell I don't remind me of Juhi Chawla (what was with those disgusting coloured lehngas??)

Anyway, got to run now. A friend of mine on a chat window's telling me she went for a Jagjit Singh concert and loved it...I'm telling her I find him highly depressing....and now she's telling me his voice is magical.....so I'm off to gag and take her trip about it!

What the!

Went to get petrol filled this morning from an all-women run petrol pump.

The lady says "Can you move forward Auntyji?"

Plan of action:
- lose weight (again!)
- dye my hair (like timmy said last week- "Your age is showing. It's time to dye"....which sounded more like "Your age is showing. It's time to die"....crap!)
- start using ponds anti aging or something
- find a new petrol station!!!!

Hmph! I hate Mondays!

Where have all the bloggers gone!!!

No really! Where is everyone! Just because I happened to be missing from the blogosphere doesn't mean all of you decide to disappear too! At least I have legitimate reasons to be missing. First, you have to understand being in an internet company totally zaps the fun of coming online in the evenings to blog cause you spend the day just reading stuff on the net all day (and no, for all of you who think my job is as cool as just surfing the net all day, save your envy for someone more worthy of it!). Second, I've been suffering from what they've diagnosed as a lack of life. If someone's day comprises of watching TV and sleeping, I'm not sure where I'd get the dope to blog about. Even my mum who usually frowns when I tell her I'm going out for a second evening in a row has now told me to get out more often and do something about my social life. So I've decided to start by rejuvenating my blog life!!

Ok so let's start with my biggest self revelation this week. All my life I have wanted to become a housewife. No, not get married types but you know, just live off someone else's money, stay home and watch TV all day. But for the first time last week, I was left home alone and realised running a house on your own isn't cakewalk!

It all starts with you having to wake up much earlier than usual because the dog needs to be put out for a walk. My dog is one hell of a lazy dog. You can blow a trumpet in his ear and he wouldn't move an eyebrow (yes he has a 3-haired eyebrow!) but he does have a lot of energy at 6am!

By the time he returns and you can get back to sleep the maid wants to come in and cook for you. You tell her you'll just order in but she wants to do the dishes from last night and heat the milk and make you breakfast and the thought of breakfast does tilt the scales in her favour and you let her in. Little do you know that she decides to start her own orchestra with the pots and pans and the walls of your pillows don't create the sound proof effect you need for a good half hour sleep!

It takes you double the usual time to get out of the house cause you check the switches, the doors, the dog and bump into the guard who always has some bill awaiting payment. I always dismiss them saying- let my mummy come back- leaving them to think I'm some sort of pauper in her absence.

I think planting that doubt of not being of any financial use when my mum is away also helped keep the robbers at bay! Aaj Tak and other such entertainment news channels ensured that I spent every single night anticipating one of the 3 pouncing up on me- a thief, a murderer or a ghost! (Yes, trust me. These news channels also run programs on how some vampires and ghosts were spotted somewhere!!)

I slept (whatever little I could) with the lights and TV on for a week and usually just on my back cause turning sideways would either keep the window or the main door out of view! Only when the sun starting streaming in did I get some shut eye only to be woken up by the dog and the maid both spoken about fondly in the paras above!

I did manage to get some company during the week of my family's absence though. The giggly girl gang came in full force carrying chocolate cake and diet coke! We spent a much fun afternoon snooping on facebook and getting scandalised at old schoolmates' lack of clothes!

And another day I got a couple of B-school friends who like me vegetated in front of the TV and then decided to play a game of trivial pursuit! Trivial pursuit is a game of general knowledge. Vestige Blackberry Dhar went into clinical depression when he didn't know Akbar was the founder of Din-e-Ilahi (or however you spell it) and HR Superwoman proufoundly told us that what part a tadpole lost along with its tail once it grew up was an "important" question. Important for who and why is something I didn't debate cause general knowledge is definitely not my forte!

Anyway the family is back now and I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep! So good night folks! Till I find more dope to blog upon....

Enough is Enough!!!

I have to have to blog today! I'm going to put an end to this F-all laziness!

Make Way for the Queen!

The much overdue post!

Karmic Madan has returned from the "high"land- Amsterdam- and is now a changed man. He loves India..... finally.......calls dilapidated chawls in Bombay Parisian beauties, almost hugs cabbies who give him directions and has told me I was a maharani in my previous life! I always knew it! The love for laziness, the love for comfort, the love for snobbery....I'm so cut out to be a princess! Though honestly I think it's the long Cleopatra nose that gave it away but whatever the signs were, at least now there're 2 people who believe I'm royal. (For all smart alecs who want to now say that they already thought I was a royal....... pain....you are all royal pains yourselves! Hmph! Yup, need to definitely disable anonymous comments for this one!)

There's so much to write about for a change....which means I make a mess of the post but am going to start anyway....

Ok, so first things first. Let the sympathies roll in. I'm recovering from a bad sprain in the back. The strain of a sprain is really quite a bothersome pain! (And the rain in Spain is mainly in the plains but that is sheer poetry!). Am much better now thank you!

Now for the meat of the post. Jokey Kumar got hitched. Highlights follow...

- Lost on Mumbai roads: Karmic Madan, Vestige Blackberry Dhar and Zee, the three non Mumbaites decide to borrow Alkesh (our friend's proudly named car) to reach a place 5 mins away. In the process....

• .....we jump a red light and were hailed by a cop. Foreign returned Madan for some reason found this extremely exciting, given that he hasn't been challaaned by an Indian cop in a while and has obviously missed it! So he got off the car and greeted the cop with an enthusiastic "Hello Sir!!"...much in a star struck tone as I would use if I were to meet Shah Rukh Khan. The fully shocked cop decided to dismiss this strange bunch of people after a Rs 100 fine only to hear Madan say fondly, "I love Indian cops. See, he's so honest. No bribe also!"

• ....then we lost the way! After many cabbies had a hearty laugh at us, we circled the same roads billions of times and drove past all the slums in Mumbai, we met Mr Nice Cabbie who not only showed us the way but also stopped when he was going his way and gave us simple, straightforward directions to where we were headed. Karmic Madan thanked this gentleman profusely (almost touched his feet!!)...rolled up his window, and started driving only to say, "The issue is, I was so overwhelmed by his kindness, I didn't hear a word of the directions he gave us!" Hence a 5 mins drive ended in a 45 drive around Prabhadevi!

• ....we dropped beanpole at a shop to buy felt pens and decided to take a drive around the corner as stopping wasn't allowed, lost the way and then forgot where we'd dropped off beanpole in the first place!

- Performers we're not: We were tricked into a performance by the groom's family at the sangeet. We spent so much time preparing props for the play that we had no time to figure out the script and so when the group was 2 drinks down we stood in the lobby of the venue and discussed who was to do what. What ensued was the most disastrous performance in the history of performances and polite relatives came and said they wanted a repeat. Hmm....maybe they weren't so polite after all and were laughing at us! Hmph Hmph!

- Rockstar Zee: After the much disastrous performance, I decide to drown my sorrows in a sea of Billo Rani and other bollywood numbers and hit the dancefloor for a couple of hours. The groom's mum on her way out says "Zee, Beta, you're a rockstar!" Yes, it was a comment which would've made my evening but when I caught my reflection in the mirror, I realised it was not due to my dancing skills but rather my hair- a cross between rockstar Lenny Kravitz and Jim Morrison having a bad bad baaaaaaaaaad hair day! Head and Shoulders anti dandruff shampoo works on the Centershock principle!

- The Tulled out groom: We got the groom drunk. This is a man who staggers when you give him one small vodka. 3 shots were downed that day. He touched the feet of every 20 yr old who entered the venue, was caught trying to walk a straight line by many elderly, glaring relatives and spent a good 2 hours predicting everyone's future. For some strange reason he only commented on my past!!! Hmmm....

- Shiny disco, disco, disco...: At the wedding, I took the sole responsibility of providing lighting in the hall. My bright (an understatement), sequined sari earned me my nickname for life - shiny disco ball- and had people scurrying for their dark glasses everytime I neared them. LC decided to turn off the flash in her camera. Smart decision.

- Pheras, phinally! The 2:30am pheras saw a bunch of extremely sleepy people seated in a corner holding marigold flowers placing bets on who would get the groom's nose. We were too sleepy to figure out who won.

I would blog more but my dinner beckons. Not before I tell you how I spilled an entire bottle of water on my laptop in office! The result of this was a non working B key (the water made a B-line for the B!!!) and I realised how little we use the alphabet B unless it's to hurl abuses at someone- in hindi or english.....try it!

Hmmm....

I've realised the pictures I look best in are the ones which are blurred...

Does that mean I'm ugly?

Broken

Its like the angels above have unleashed their fury! I was clearly the laughing stock of all in and around CP today.....again....because...take a guess....I broke my shoe! AGAIN! No let me not edit the details.

You see, after the last shoe breaking episode, there was yet another shoe breaking episode, thankfully this time in office and so I walked around with a stapled strap the entire day. That was one week ago. And today, a third episode broke!!!

I wore a new pair of shoes this morning, which belong to my mum, and was complaining about how the strap is hurting me. These shoes are extremely fashionable you see. Two straps criss cross each other and then end up in a third strap which is buckled around the ankle (only a woman can describe a goddamn shoe in so much detail!). So half way down the walk to office, one strap gave way. I was inches away from the cobbler but some sort of strange pride took over me and I decided not to let him laugh at my expense again. Visions of him saying "You're the same madam who was walking barefoot last week? Can't you find yourself good quality shoes you cheapskate" and then the guards guffawing and pointing to my broken shoe, snapped (pun intended) me back to reality and I decided to give him a miss. After all, the office building was only 10 steps away.

5 steps down, the other strap decides to die out on me as well. With all my pride I walk into the building with the sole flying all over the place and making embarrassing clip clop sounds in the quiet lift lobby. A hundred faces turn to look at the noisemaker. 75 of them snicker immediately. 25 look down in disgust at my state. Gathering all my pride I walk into the lift and clamber into my office and am currently sitting barefoot with my feet on my chair!

Oh well, at least I have a chair today. Being a start up, we have limited seating now in our office. But I realised only yesterday how limited is limited when we had 4 visitors in our office and to accommodate them, our chairs were pulled into the meeting room....leaving me sitting on a floor for part of the day and seeing me perched on my table for the remaining! Exaggerating? Wish I was...

Am actually looking forward to the office shifting to Gurgaon now (even though the new office is more like in Jaipur than in Gurgaon!) but at least I'll have a chair to sit on! The scary part is that being a start up, I was one of the people who's expertise was called upon to decide on what furniture and what flooring and what board colours should be used in the office....my expertise because I fit the "young, female" criteria (I quote them ok!)....So here I was looking at what seemed to be the same shade of green though they swore it wasn't....I finally pointed my finger at the 3rd green in the bunch because....well because 3 sounds like a good number??? For those who don't know it, I have absolutely no sense of colour or design and my room is a dumpyard (trust me!) minus one discarded mattress which has a discarded saree wrapped around it!

Anyway, before I sign out....found out yesterday that someone from the blogger world, who's blog I follow off and on, is coming in as my boss! This is one hell of a small world....and not a happy one at that!

Update: 24 hours later: Wednesday morning in office: Broke my shoe AGAIN!!!!!!

Plea to God now: Heel the world, make it a better place

Blurring Lines....

(At my philosophical best)

Blurring lines....
....between the rich and the poor
….between the far and near
….between bravery and fear

Blurring lines….
....between day and night
....between wrong and right
….between tiffs and fights

Blurring lines....
....between the ugly and cute
....between funny and rude
....between cool and crude

Blurring lines....
....between a relationship and a date
....between love and hate
….between ill luck and fate

Blurring lines....
….between icing and cream
….between stars and light beams
....between reality and dreams…….

Yes, truly random thoughts…observations…and a result of an acute stomach infection!!!

Blurring lines....
....between the rich and the poor
Drove past a hindi medium school yesterday...and nothing about the kids there said they came from less privileged families....they were well dressed, no oiled braids, no untidy shoes, body language as cool as anyone elses…..
My maid now has a maid at home, has a son who works for an MNC, spends that Rs 25 on a caller tune I’m stingy to spend on…

Blurring lines....
....between day and night
I feel more alive when the sun goes down...the city wakes up…you sleep through the day and make plans to party through the night….

Blurring lines....
….between the far and near
Get from Delhi to Bombay in the same time it takes to drive through the traffic choked route from office to home…

Blurring lines....
....between funny and rude
When do things stop being funny? When do you know when someone has pushed the joke a bit too far? When do you know when you’re on the verge of being rude?

Blurring lines....
....between a relationship and a date
How many relationships end up just being a date? How many relationships are treated like mere dates?

Blurring lines....
….between stars and light beams
Walk into one of the grandeur wedding places…the fairy lights glistening from the trees….who looks up to the stars for their beauty anymore?

Blurring lines....
....between the ugly and cute
Definitions change…dark was not cute when you were little, fair is not cute when you grow up….short was not cute when you were a teenager, short is more approachable now…those who were ugly as kids are suddenly centerstage at parties….those who were cute in yearbooks suddenly look haggard old wannabes

Blurring lines…..As a matter of perspective….as how you want to see it……….

(No I’m not low! I’m just philosophical! I’m bored. I'm jobless. I’m hoping it’s not jaundice!)

Too much “shoe” sha!

Note: Post written last night (beanpole...last night, not yesterday night...wren and martin would be proud!)

I sit in office at 12:37am. Having worked 5 years, I have never done this late a night! Ok so a lot of you may feel I’m damn lucky and all but hey…I have a philosophy in life..that I come before my profession!

So what changed it today? Luck I guess…dirty, rotten, filthy luck!

It started with me waking up a whooping 20 mins past my usual waking time. That sent me into a fit! It meant 20 mins to get ready if I didn’t want to dish out 100 bucks for getting into work late (yup there’s a fine and all now)

Rushed to discover 3 pieces of news I could’ve done without…..that there’s no water to bathe with, that my mum decided to step on my only clip and that there’s no petrol in my car! But check out my optimism…I thought the day could still improve and did decide to make it to work!

Now the countdown kind of begun….9:30 is the time I need to reach office if I need to avoid the fine. There’s a 15 min walk before that from the parking to the office. So in my mad frenzy, I surprisingly reached a whooping 5 mins early to the parking- 9:10! Was I really doubting my luck? Ha!

And I began sprinting to office, decided I didn’t have the patience to wait for the pedestrian light to turn green so I should take the longer route to avoid wasting time…and what was with the gentleman in front of me giving me no space to walk and walking at a speed that would give a snail a complex???? “Overtake” said the devil inside me

That's when the leap happened, the space spotten where I could ease my foot between the building and the man and overtake the slow coach! The foot went forward, the shoe stretched and the string….broke!

I notice the shoe has been an integral part of my blog. Be it the time when the woman dug her heel in my injured toe or the wedding when the broken heel got stuck in the carpet and I went flying towards the bride’s mother....

The point being…here I was holding a broken shoe in my hand, my office building not even in site and the ultra clean streets of CP which I have spoken about earlier laughed at my despondency! So with shoes in hand, this executive dressed in an ironed office shirt and trousers, sporting her laptop, walked barefoot in the midst of a crowded road, everyone curiously staring wondering why anyone would step out of their shoes in the middle of all this muck!

The cobbler was happy with the popularity I brought him….what with all the guards and passerbys and all and sundry coming by to laugh at the poor girl who stood on one foot trying to maintain her balance.....Thanking him profusely, I began my walk as gracefully as I could back to my office in my newly mended shoe only to find the miracle worker had dug a nail too many to make the walk a rather painful 5 mins!

If the morning started as such, take a guess on how the day went cause at midnight, the last thing I want to do is get into details no one wants to read. And let me clarify, the reason I'm writing this post and not working is because my colleague is jazzing up the presentation which was meant for day after but has now been preponed to tomorrow!!!

Come Saturday

Saturdays were once a joyous occasion.........

It all started with one Saturday in 1980... (no point in hiding my age...it's out there on my profile and s even smsed saying "zee, i just saw your age on your blog profile and realised how old we all are"...a not so good mood followed...).....when I chose to make my entry by being born. What timing I tell you! The weekend's just started, the first few faces you see are in a good mood, no one's wearing office neckties and people can spend time cooing at your cute face cause no boss is waiting for them to show up!

During my growing up years, Joyous Saturdays took the form of days which started at noon (even if you woke up by 10 it was uncool to be out of bed before 12 lest people mistook you for a variety that don't value their sleep), it was spent far far away from books- it was a crime to touch your weekend homework before Sunday night- and it involved watching Mary Poppins on the VCR post some tracking of course cause it surely wasn't the first time I was seeing it you know!

Ok so for a short period of time in school, Saturdays did face a slight downside in popularity when my maths tutor decided that "Suchhurdays" was a better day to get cracking at those trig questions cause "all I needed was a little fresh mind". He soon learnt otherwise.....

Then worklife began and the importance of Saturdays increased manifolds! Friday evenings spent in a fury to avoid working over the weekend and the drive back home on Friday evenings demanded the window to be rolled down, music to be loud and phonecalls to plan the big day!

Saturdays spent watching VH1 Classics, showing songs you've grown up to, feeling depressed that your songs were now Classics and then getting your act together and going partying to feel young! The same old people, the same old jokes, the same old music, the same old clothes (for me)...net net a perfect evening!

Saturdays then turned into the one day when the boy couldn't give the I-live-too-far excuse to come see me!

And now, 27 years from that first joyous Saturday, here I am rotting in an office when the outside temperature is 30 degrees and the inside temperature is 50 degrees cause they don't want to switch on the air conditioning! And no boyfriend in town. And no dhinchak parties to go to. And no Mary Poppins DVD to entertain me when I get home. And the only song that's coming to my mind is that horrible Whigfield...Classic indeed!!

Attn: Women in High Heels

Please note where your feet at going.

Are you wearing heels today? Are they stillettos (confession: I had to google the spelling) that are unnaturally sharp and pointy? Are you too engrossed in conversation to even notice the poor girl with the injured, band-aided toe standing behind you? Here's a piece of advice. Look where you step! It should preferably not be on the injured girl's band-aided toe!!!! And do NOT under any circumstance ask "Oh, did I hurt you?"! Take a guess smart alec!

Life Jing-a-lala

(Caution to the theorist kind of species. This post has several mentions of the forbidden B word. Please read at own risk)

Today I am thoroughly bored. And have an acute craving for chocolate. After almost fainting with desire to eat one piece of dairy milk.... after going down a rickety office lift surrounded by people who don't believe in the art of bathing in winters....after walking to a dilapidated paan shop heaped with dirty plastic bags so that you had to go round the counter to even spot the seller... after handing out Rs 1o to buy a dairy milk who's expiry date I was afraid to read...after plonking it all in my mouth and savouring it for full 40 seconds...here I am craving for chocolate....again! And hence blogging to distract myself

Adarsh tagged me. A book tag. Only last week did I discover books again when my broadband cord broke, my boyfriend ran off to make Guwhati a fairer place (he looks after a fairness cream brand) and when I had had enough of gleaming sari wrapped daughters in law with sindoor running down till their noses in, ironically, a family planning sign (the inverted triangle) on TV. That's when I stretched out and hit my hand against a book of a non comical non Archie nature and read City of Djinns.

To the uninitatied, it's a travel book cum history book on Delhi and delves into stories and architecture and the history of Delhi. So thoroughly fascinating that most of the romantic midnight conversations with boy went "Do you know what that Shahjahan did?....." followed by a rather animated "zzzzzzzzz" from the other end of the line!

Anyway, getting back to the tag, one City of Djinns won't give me enough dope to put together a tag on just that so I take the liberty to convert this to a TV show tag! (Theorist, you can read on safely from here)

A show that made you laugh: MASH. When exams dawned, it only struck you when mom would ask you to spend MASH time on books!

A show that made you cry: Bold and the Beautiful. Why oh why would they air it and consume precious TV time!

A show that scared you: The extraordinary. Ok, so I never got past the titles...

A show that disgusted you: Bold and the Beautiful. What the...

A show you loved in elementary school: Errr...given the vast choice at that point of time...Krishi Darshan????

A show you loved in college: I kind of discovered boys by then after being released from an all girls school so wasn't really wasting time on TV

A show that challenged your identity: Indian Idol. Matlab ki am I not already the ultimate Indian Idol??? Singing barred....

Your favorite science fiction show: Ekta Kapoor serials of course. No one ever ages or dies.

Your favourite biography show: Tom and Jerry...........You mean they don't exist?

Your favorite fantasy show: Nigella's feasts. Do you have any idea how many hours are spent dreaming of those chocolate cakes she makes with a whiff of her hand?

I know you're dying for many more precious insights about me but get a hold on yourselves. There's only so much you can blog from work you know. If I'm kicked out, who'll pay the Tata Sky bills?

Geographically Yours

Darjeeling. Tea estates. Mountains. Greenery. On the list of places to see before I die. Darjeeling. Darjeeling in.......errrr.......????

Sundays are lovely. They start with a stream of cook shows on ndtv, travel and living, times now, zee tv, star plus..........ok so you get the point. I am a cook show addict. It's out in the open. My cool reputation has been damaged for life. But ok ok. I confess. I love cook shows!

No I don't cook. I have experience in tea making though a certain someone says culinary skills are not my forte (hmph hmph) but beyond putting a Betty Crocker cake mix into the oven or cooking Maggi post reading the instructions, I admit my cooking quite puts a full stop there. Yet there's something about watching cooking shows.........You can smell the spices, feel the smooth chocolate, hear the sizzle.....it's one of the most fulfilling, mouth watering experiences ever!

And now having made that point about my passion for cookery shows, last Sunday I was planted in front of the TV watching a tea special show based in Darjeeling while on the phone with boy and I sighed and said "Wow! Darjeeling. I've always wanted to go to Assam"
"How's it related?"
"What do you mean it's not related?"
"Darjeeling isn't in Assam"
"Oh...really? Arunachal then?"
"What?"
"Sikkim? Manipur?"
"West Bengal."
"What rubbish!"
Call made to general "knowledged" brother in law. Answer confirmed. With sister in the background "Isn't Darjeeling a state?"

Now you don't get it. I pride myself in knowing a lot about geography. I know all the capitals of the states of India and.........err....I know all the capitals of the states of India! So it really was a blow to my geographical ego. And I decided to see how badly off I was by asking my giggly girl gang.

Me: "So where is Darjeeling"
G1: "Assam"
G2: "Assam"
Me: "Ha ha!"
G1: "Ok, Manipur"
Me: "Ha ha ha ha!" Check me out being miss know-it-all
G2: "Ha ha! West Bengal" Second time lucky
G3: "What rubbish! Not West Bengal!" Silence. "West Bengal?"

I am much relieved by this lack of general knowledge. But what takes the cake is....
Friend 1: "Let's go for the Rio fest this year!"
Friend 2: "Ya man! And let's go to Brazil too!"

I'm glad I did commerce.....

Sigh.......

Monday morning.

Extremely cold.

Fight with blanket.

Dragged self to office.

Open mail.

From: The business head
Subject: You are late
Body: This is unacceptable behaviour. Regards

Sigh...........

Oh Yuck!

I'm not one of those finicky environmentalists who tell their best friends that they refuse to be friends because they threw the wrapper on the road. Ok so I may tsk tsk at littering but that's because of a poem I learnt in class 3 which creatively went

"Hoot hoot
Don't pollute
Hoot hoot
Don't pollute
Save the planet earth"

Before I go further with this post, I must comment on the creativity of this poem. Why is an owl of all the creatures great and small telling us not to pollute! Could the poet not find any other word that rhymes with hoot? Boot, root, soot, dude?????

Anyway, the reason for this post is this. I have a 1 km walk from my car to my office. Yes yes, I've badgered you with that information for a while now. And the walk entails one of the filthiest walks around CP! (For the uninitated, CP is a connaught place...and if you don't know what that is...get a life....really!)

Early in the morning, when the rest of the city is clean and pure, the trees are bathed in dew and you exit from your freshly washed car, the last thing you want to do is spend your morning meandering through the corridors of CP avoiding....all sorts of muck!

So dogs...err....doing their stuff isn't something you can help but why do so many people insist on spitting just about everywhere! I just don't get it! I never feel like suddenly in the midst of a conversation opening up my mouth and spitting! Then why does anyone else? Is it because they don't keep the right company and need to gag at their conversations with these people? Do they just produce more saliva than the rest of the world and so need to dispose it every few minutes? Or do they find the sight of spit so revolting that they spit upon it themselves!!!

Or why do they need to lose control of their bladders when they see a tree? Or flick their empty gutkha packets like Rajnikant and then don't even attempt to catch it? Many more gross images are flooding my mind now.....and making me sick!

Had to unload.....

Back with a more cheerful post soon

Horrible 6 day week this one...

Random Thoughts

The first of the giggly girls got married last month. Never thought Al Dudette, the bride, who was born to get her pictures clicked would actually reach a point when she would shoo away the photographers! It’s almost like me saying I’ve had enough to eat!
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Performed on Sawariya for Al Dudette’s wedding. 4 months of salsaing and not a bit of it showed in any of my movements! Blamed it on our ageing 27 year old brains to not remember any of our steps once on stage. Even the scurrying off the stage post our performance wasn't graceful enough!
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Saw a very sweet scene last week on my walk to office....an old man walked out of the Bank of Baroda, holding up what seemed to be his updated passbook and smiling to himself. Pension day? :)
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Attended a wedding of an Indian boy marrying a firangi girl. Since the girl's family is far removed from the joota churai concept, we see the groom’s sister’s snickering in a corner with the bride’s shoes tucked under their arms!!! Very convenient to reverse the ritual and earn in dollars too! Needless to say the poor foreigner family got suckered....
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Important lesson learnt in life. Never eat and type at the same time. A crumble would roll onto the keyboard and possibly get suck under the T key and you can spend a good 10 mins trying to type out the t’s in the blog. Man, T must be the most commonly used alphabet or something…
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Cannot believe Deepika Padukone is seeing Yuvraj Singh. He's so ghaati!
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I need to buy a white jacket. Went out last night and all the page 3 varieties seemed to be sporting one. I felt very out of place in my oversize blue sweater which went for a wash last in 1875 or something!
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Met some Aunty who was bragging about her granddaughter and aweing at the kind of wit and intelligence kids nowadays show. To make her point, she tells my mom "Aajkal ke bacche toh bade computerized ho gaye hain" (Kids of today are highly computerised!). Cheers to pathbreaking English!
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Cried for 2.5 hours watching Tare Zameen Par. Would've cried all of the 3 hours but thanks to my punctual boy we arrived 1/2 hour late for the movie
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The crumb has now rolled down to the V key now....man....this is annoying.....

Just Had to Blog on 1st Jan Post!!!

I woke up this morning quite on a roll! I cracked a series of some 10-12 really bad jokes so decided to capitalise on the tide and blog today but now sitting in front of the comp I feel terribly dry of humour. That coupled with the fact that I'd rather have my fingers inside my blanket rather than in the biting cold on my keyboard.

Anyway, Happy New Year!!! It was a good new yrs eve...no fog, no one around me threw up, good food, good place and of course the boy was here! And the first day of the year goes well too! I'm wrapped up in my blanket, lazying around, with nothing to do and nowhere to go...just me and the tv...and a terrible craving for gooey chocolate cake! :(

Phew! Ok phone call made to mum asking her to pick up the Rs 70 Dairy Milk Bar...so life's all good again!

Hmm....I wonder what I want to do in the coming year. In school we had this thing of putting down our new years resolutions on a leaf....turning over a new leaf...and for years I thought the saying was "turning into a new leaf"....quite like I thought the song was "Chaudhary ka chand ho" instead of "Chaudhavi ka chand ko"....but more on my IQ later...

This year....
.....I resolve to spend more time at home with my family
.....I resolve to spend more time working in office than on facebook and not be too excited about finding new undone quizzes on facebook
.....I resolve to reach office on time at least 4 days a week
.....I resolve to blog more often
.....I resolve to watch at least one movie a fortnight
.....I resolve not to talk as much on the cellphone and then blame my stupidity on what the mobile waves are doing to my brain

And now I've got a phone call that's disrupted my thought process so........arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Happy New Year! Cheers!